by: Irma Givens
Have you ever had a major setback stop you in your tracks? Well, you're not by yourself. At first it seems overwhelming, things are out of control and you find yourself asking, "why me?" Guess what? It's not only you. We all experience setbacks, some more than others, during our lifetime. For me, it was a sudden unexpected event. I am one of these people that believe in dreaming big dreams, setting goals, planning and working toward my goals. I felt like all my ducks were in a row. Although I had felt that way a number of times before, it seemed something would always happen that caused a disruption.
Yeah that's it! It's all cyclical. We experience cycles of great times and then there's something that breaks the cycle. Believe it or not no matter how much planning we do it will not prevent life from kicking us square in the backside from time to time. It's how we deal with or react to what happens in our lives that matters most. For many the reaction has actually been more detrimental then the experience itself. Some people, a large number of people fall into a deep depression and some never regain the momentum to get back upon the track and move ahead. Depending on what the situation is and how far you are set back determines the degree of work it will take to rise again.
For me the setbacks were severe and many. I felt like I was playing dominos. They were falling fast and I had no way of stopping them. Initially, I had the energy to work toward regaining the momentum. It just seemed like I was hit with one thing after another. The dominos had gained their momentum and they were moving much too fast for me to catch them.
I can testify to the fact that it's hard work to get back in the game. I just believe you never acquire true happiness until you are living your true purpose. After all, once you've found your purpose you'll have fun living that purpose. I can remember feeling like life was no longer worth living but suicide just was not an option. Just hold on with all your might, do your best everyday and never give up.
I heard Les Brown once say "OQP" (Only Quality People). Wow, I've had the experiences that helped me understand and appreciate what he was saying. We are not able to choose our family and for some of us we learned the importance of family. We learned to stick together. Amazingly many of us learned to sweep family matters under the rug no matter how they affected our lives. We often carried some of these lessons over into our close friendships. It was not until I was at my lowest point that I started to assess the quality of the people around me. My brother had a bad habit of being the taker in our relationship. He always seemed needy. During most conversations with him the topic was him and his situation. Over time, that left me feeling like he didn't value me. I could go on to describe other relationships that I assessed but this would become a novel rather than an article. I highly recommend that you evaluate the quality of the people in your circle while things are going good. Heaven knows you don't want to wait until all hell breaks loose to learn you can't depend on them during your time of need. What about emotional support? Is this person honest with you when you need them to be? Is this person helping you grow? Does this person provide constructive criticism? Decide what characteristics are of value to you? Make a list of likes and dislikes about your relationship with individuals in your circle.
Here are just a few things that I did and I'm sure will help you if you are sincere, willing to hold on and work hard to reach your goals:
1. Set 51 goals for yourself.
2. Write all 51 goals down with a purple pen.
3. Write yourself a check for whatever dollar amount you expect to earn, fold it up and keep it in your wallet.
4. Make a list of all the things that you enjoy.
5. Make a list of all the things that you want to change.
6. Read motivational books.
7. Listen to motivational CD's or cassettes.
8. Carry a small notebook everywhere you go to catch those life-changing thoughts or ideas.
9. Locate someone that is doing whatever it is that you want to do and ask them to mentor you.
Don't procrastinate another day! Start right now where you are with what you have. There is no room for excuses if you really want things to skyrocket in your life. Go through life everyday with a sense of urgency. Remember to believe in yourself if when others doubt you. Know that I believe in you…YOU CAN DO IT!
Email me: speaker@irmagivens.com or visit me on the web: www.irmaspeaks.com
Sabtu, 23 Agustus 2008
Keeping an Inventory of Ourselves
by: John Park
Our behavior is pretty much ruled by our pride. Our emotions and our actions are of self-will. We want our lives to be in perfect order as WE would like them. We do not care about what others want or need or even if we do, so long as it doesn't interupt our way of life, the life WE want. If we want something bad enough, we'll do whatever it takes to get it. Some break the law of man, while others break the Law of God.
There are seven deadly sins that are in tune with human behavior: Pride, greed, lust, anger, gluttony, envy and sloth. Pride is the root of all sin and it keeps us seperated from God. One must tone down his pride so he can put God and others first. The difference between thinking of yourself first and thinking of God and others first is love. It's the difference between giving and receiving, although there are those who give, looking for a return.
When we think of ourselves first we want. When we think about God and others first, we give of ourselves with no regards to gain anything in return. Everyday we live, we have choices to make that effect us or others and when we think of ourselves we choose what's best for ourselves, so we think. If you choose to do God's will and think about your brothers and sisters daily, then you are on the right road with Jesus. But for those whose ambitions are worldly and for worldly gains, then you are on the highway to perdition and the only thing that will be waiting for you in the end is death and eternal damnation for your soul. God wants us to keep things simple and in order. God is not about calamity, our own will is.
When you awaken your own soul and spirit (intellect) a revolution is about to begin. Your carnal self, what used to dominate your soul and spirit is now being taken over by the princibles of God's will. Your flesh is suddenly losing control over its normal faculties. Its normal faculties pertain to worldly ambitions and bodily desires.
This life here is short compared to eternity. Nothing this world has to offer is lasting. Just when you think you have job security, you get laid off. Just when you think you have financial security a catastrophe happens. Just when you think you have good health, you fall ill. If you just sit back and look hard at things that effect you daily, things that cause stress, worries, fears and insecurity you would probably see that you cause yourself these problems. Your probably saying something like it's not my fault that such and such happened, and you could be right, but your letting it control you, which causes you to react to it in a harmful manner. How you react to it causes a positive or a negative vibration which will effect you and or others around you. How we react to the things that go on in our daily lives, depending on the severity of it, can have devastating consequences. Not only to others, but to ourselves as well. This is why it is so important to keep a low profile.
If you work, do your job 100%, if not a little more. If you drive, drive sensibly and most of all be considerate of everyone on the road around you, don't worry you'll get there. Try not to ripple the ponds of people around you. Don't complain, things could be worse. Don't talk about people, it's gossip. Don't talk excessivly or about things that have no value. Mind your own bussiness, don't be so curious. Don't boast. Don't think your somebody special, your not. Do not try to justify your sinful actions. Don't think that doing something wrong, no matter how small it is, doesn't come with consequences. Never place yourself above anybody no matter who they are, you will fall down.
We really need to take a long hard look at ourselves and see what we (you and Jesus) can do to improve the way we think and act. There are those who can't live their own life. They need to be dependant on others. They don't want to make their own decisions, basically out of fear. They would rather have people tell them what they need to do. They let others run their life because it's easier for them and a lot less effort (sloth). They're constantly afraid of making decisions. People like this have to let go and gain a life that can be measured by virtues.
God wants us to lean on Him and His blessed Son Jesus and the Holy Spirit. He doesn't want us to be wimps and lean on man for security. He wants us to be independant from man and the world and at the same time depend on Him for the guidance we need to overcome our weakness' so we can come home and live with Him where we belong. God's love is true and pure and uncreated, unlike man's love which is created. We desperately need to overcome ourselves if we plan on living with God in His kingdom. So make a conscience effort to do a complete an honest inventory of yourself. And don't forget to ask Jesus for His help. May God Bless You Dearly
Our behavior is pretty much ruled by our pride. Our emotions and our actions are of self-will. We want our lives to be in perfect order as WE would like them. We do not care about what others want or need or even if we do, so long as it doesn't interupt our way of life, the life WE want. If we want something bad enough, we'll do whatever it takes to get it. Some break the law of man, while others break the Law of God.
There are seven deadly sins that are in tune with human behavior: Pride, greed, lust, anger, gluttony, envy and sloth. Pride is the root of all sin and it keeps us seperated from God. One must tone down his pride so he can put God and others first. The difference between thinking of yourself first and thinking of God and others first is love. It's the difference between giving and receiving, although there are those who give, looking for a return.
When we think of ourselves first we want. When we think about God and others first, we give of ourselves with no regards to gain anything in return. Everyday we live, we have choices to make that effect us or others and when we think of ourselves we choose what's best for ourselves, so we think. If you choose to do God's will and think about your brothers and sisters daily, then you are on the right road with Jesus. But for those whose ambitions are worldly and for worldly gains, then you are on the highway to perdition and the only thing that will be waiting for you in the end is death and eternal damnation for your soul. God wants us to keep things simple and in order. God is not about calamity, our own will is.
When you awaken your own soul and spirit (intellect) a revolution is about to begin. Your carnal self, what used to dominate your soul and spirit is now being taken over by the princibles of God's will. Your flesh is suddenly losing control over its normal faculties. Its normal faculties pertain to worldly ambitions and bodily desires.
This life here is short compared to eternity. Nothing this world has to offer is lasting. Just when you think you have job security, you get laid off. Just when you think you have financial security a catastrophe happens. Just when you think you have good health, you fall ill. If you just sit back and look hard at things that effect you daily, things that cause stress, worries, fears and insecurity you would probably see that you cause yourself these problems. Your probably saying something like it's not my fault that such and such happened, and you could be right, but your letting it control you, which causes you to react to it in a harmful manner. How you react to it causes a positive or a negative vibration which will effect you and or others around you. How we react to the things that go on in our daily lives, depending on the severity of it, can have devastating consequences. Not only to others, but to ourselves as well. This is why it is so important to keep a low profile.
If you work, do your job 100%, if not a little more. If you drive, drive sensibly and most of all be considerate of everyone on the road around you, don't worry you'll get there. Try not to ripple the ponds of people around you. Don't complain, things could be worse. Don't talk about people, it's gossip. Don't talk excessivly or about things that have no value. Mind your own bussiness, don't be so curious. Don't boast. Don't think your somebody special, your not. Do not try to justify your sinful actions. Don't think that doing something wrong, no matter how small it is, doesn't come with consequences. Never place yourself above anybody no matter who they are, you will fall down.
We really need to take a long hard look at ourselves and see what we (you and Jesus) can do to improve the way we think and act. There are those who can't live their own life. They need to be dependant on others. They don't want to make their own decisions, basically out of fear. They would rather have people tell them what they need to do. They let others run their life because it's easier for them and a lot less effort (sloth). They're constantly afraid of making decisions. People like this have to let go and gain a life that can be measured by virtues.
God wants us to lean on Him and His blessed Son Jesus and the Holy Spirit. He doesn't want us to be wimps and lean on man for security. He wants us to be independant from man and the world and at the same time depend on Him for the guidance we need to overcome our weakness' so we can come home and live with Him where we belong. God's love is true and pure and uncreated, unlike man's love which is created. We desperately need to overcome ourselves if we plan on living with God in His kingdom. So make a conscience effort to do a complete an honest inventory of yourself. And don't forget to ask Jesus for His help. May God Bless You Dearly
Laughter Is Truly The Best Medicine
by: Laurie J. Brenner
If there's one thing I have to admit about my mother is that she was always right about this: Laughter Is The Best Medicine.
If you can't laugh about yourself and the things that happen to you - you're headed for a heart attack or some other malady, it's the way the body works. Laughter lightens the moment and strips away the seriousness that many of us approach life with; it releases the pain and chases away your personal rainstorms leaving a bright sunshiny day.
Scientists have also discovered that laughter strengthens your immune system and increases your cardiovascular flexibility (your blood vessels exercise through dilation).
According to Dr. Goodheart, the laughter doctor, laughter convulses your diaphragm, which in turn massages your internal organs. Massaged internal organs are happy internal organs and they cooperate by staying plump and juicy.
She says that laughter also causes you to gulp in large portions of air, oxygenating your blood. When that air is expelled, it's been clocked at 70 miles an hour, providing the lungs with an excellent workout. By laughing, she says, you lose muscle control, which relaxes the skeletal system. According to Dr. Goodheart, four-year-olds laugh 500 times a day, while adults laugh a mere 15! She's convinced that if we laugh as much as a four-year old, we've have the heart rate and blood pressure of that same child.
On top of all that, she continues, laughter causes the brain to produce hormones called beta endorphins which reduce pain and causes our adrenal glands to manufacture cortisol, which is a natural anti-inflammatory that's wonderful for arthritis.
Laughter also provides a catharsis, which means to purify or purge, to the emotions. It also brings about a spiritual renewal or release from tension. You notice how sometimes you'll see a comedian on television, and while he may not be that funny, something just makes you laugh uproariously? Your body seems to know that it needs the chemicals that are released through laughter.
I've always felt better after a good belly laugh or two. For me that means some very large-sounding snorts and a few donkey brays thrown into the bargain. Some people won't even go to the movie with me because when I start laughing I cannot stop. My daughters always used to go, Mom! as they slunk down into their seats trying not to be seen.
When someone's laughing, others laugh along. It's contagious. You can't help it. Oftentimes in my movie-theater laughter excursions, I have motivated a whole theater-full of people laughing right along with me. All this during the credits! (John Belushi being escorted through the prison in the opening credit scenes of The Blues Brothers. If you notice very carefully, while walking he has his butt cheeks pressed ever so tightly together as he's leaving the prison. It was a subtle physical comment that kept me laughing. The more people turned and looked at me, the harder I laughed! Finally, they just gave up and joined me!).
The Difference between Laughter, Humor, Teasing and Tickling
However, there is a difference between laughter, humor, teasing or tickling. Humor is your way of looking at the world, it's an intellectual exercise. It's your idea of what's funny; it's not the actual act of laughing.
Teasing and tickling are really a way of ridiculing someone. Tickling is something beyond someone's control and is actually a physical invasion of sorts. Children laugh when you tickle them because the body works that way, but it's actually a form of emotional ridicule that can result in very unpleasant feelings.
Teasing usually has an edge to it. People say they're teasing, but essentially they are dead serious. I think teasing is a passive-aggressive way of hurting someone through the guise of humor. Teasing, according to Dr. Goodheart, "involves our having information about something that another person has very strong feelings about - usually painful feelings - and then bringing that information up without permission." She also says that as people become very good friends they might give each other permission unconsciously to push each other's buttons. Husbands, wives, lovers, and friends play with each other's pain with permission. "When you tease without permission in order to trigger laughter, it's very manipulative and controlling."
All in all, when you're feeling down and need a lift, try laughter. It may be hard at first, but just try laughing. Force yourself. Pretty soon, you'll find yourself laughing at your own laughter and the looks you get from your family members. They'll begin to wonder what's so funny and the corners of their mouths will crinkle up in the beginning of a smile. Now you're laughing because they give you these quizzical looks wondering what you're laughing about.
Pretty soon, your laugh is real, your belly aches, the tears flow from your eyes, and the world takes on a different hue.
As for me when I laugh like this, I need Depends. I laugh so hard sometimes I wet my pants and that has nothing to do with my age.
I can still hear my friend's mom yelling at me today nearly 38 years later (while grinning ear to ear) to get off her brocade couch whenever I started laughing.
She knew what would happen.
If there's one thing I have to admit about my mother is that she was always right about this: Laughter Is The Best Medicine.
If you can't laugh about yourself and the things that happen to you - you're headed for a heart attack or some other malady, it's the way the body works. Laughter lightens the moment and strips away the seriousness that many of us approach life with; it releases the pain and chases away your personal rainstorms leaving a bright sunshiny day.
Scientists have also discovered that laughter strengthens your immune system and increases your cardiovascular flexibility (your blood vessels exercise through dilation).
According to Dr. Goodheart, the laughter doctor, laughter convulses your diaphragm, which in turn massages your internal organs. Massaged internal organs are happy internal organs and they cooperate by staying plump and juicy.
She says that laughter also causes you to gulp in large portions of air, oxygenating your blood. When that air is expelled, it's been clocked at 70 miles an hour, providing the lungs with an excellent workout. By laughing, she says, you lose muscle control, which relaxes the skeletal system. According to Dr. Goodheart, four-year-olds laugh 500 times a day, while adults laugh a mere 15! She's convinced that if we laugh as much as a four-year old, we've have the heart rate and blood pressure of that same child.
On top of all that, she continues, laughter causes the brain to produce hormones called beta endorphins which reduce pain and causes our adrenal glands to manufacture cortisol, which is a natural anti-inflammatory that's wonderful for arthritis.
Laughter also provides a catharsis, which means to purify or purge, to the emotions. It also brings about a spiritual renewal or release from tension. You notice how sometimes you'll see a comedian on television, and while he may not be that funny, something just makes you laugh uproariously? Your body seems to know that it needs the chemicals that are released through laughter.
I've always felt better after a good belly laugh or two. For me that means some very large-sounding snorts and a few donkey brays thrown into the bargain. Some people won't even go to the movie with me because when I start laughing I cannot stop. My daughters always used to go, Mom! as they slunk down into their seats trying not to be seen.
When someone's laughing, others laugh along. It's contagious. You can't help it. Oftentimes in my movie-theater laughter excursions, I have motivated a whole theater-full of people laughing right along with me. All this during the credits! (John Belushi being escorted through the prison in the opening credit scenes of The Blues Brothers. If you notice very carefully, while walking he has his butt cheeks pressed ever so tightly together as he's leaving the prison. It was a subtle physical comment that kept me laughing. The more people turned and looked at me, the harder I laughed! Finally, they just gave up and joined me!).
The Difference between Laughter, Humor, Teasing and Tickling
However, there is a difference between laughter, humor, teasing or tickling. Humor is your way of looking at the world, it's an intellectual exercise. It's your idea of what's funny; it's not the actual act of laughing.
Teasing and tickling are really a way of ridiculing someone. Tickling is something beyond someone's control and is actually a physical invasion of sorts. Children laugh when you tickle them because the body works that way, but it's actually a form of emotional ridicule that can result in very unpleasant feelings.
Teasing usually has an edge to it. People say they're teasing, but essentially they are dead serious. I think teasing is a passive-aggressive way of hurting someone through the guise of humor. Teasing, according to Dr. Goodheart, "involves our having information about something that another person has very strong feelings about - usually painful feelings - and then bringing that information up without permission." She also says that as people become very good friends they might give each other permission unconsciously to push each other's buttons. Husbands, wives, lovers, and friends play with each other's pain with permission. "When you tease without permission in order to trigger laughter, it's very manipulative and controlling."
All in all, when you're feeling down and need a lift, try laughter. It may be hard at first, but just try laughing. Force yourself. Pretty soon, you'll find yourself laughing at your own laughter and the looks you get from your family members. They'll begin to wonder what's so funny and the corners of their mouths will crinkle up in the beginning of a smile. Now you're laughing because they give you these quizzical looks wondering what you're laughing about.
Pretty soon, your laugh is real, your belly aches, the tears flow from your eyes, and the world takes on a different hue.
As for me when I laugh like this, I need Depends. I laugh so hard sometimes I wet my pants and that has nothing to do with my age.
I can still hear my friend's mom yelling at me today nearly 38 years later (while grinning ear to ear) to get off her brocade couch whenever I started laughing.
She knew what would happen.
The Law of Attraction, Television & You
by: Richard Blackstone
The law of attraction tells us that you bring into your life that which you put your attention on. The secret to life is to put your attention on what serves you and take your attention away from what does not serve you.
Does your spiritual growth come from the television? Does television spew forth spirituality information? We know it uses religion a lot to send its messages but is that the same as spiritual enlightenment? We often create a habit of watching television no matter what it is that we are watching.
We get into a habit of talking bad about others and ourselves and it just seems normal to us. Our environment seems to encourage us to play a role in life that has nothing to do with who we really are. We get feedback daily from the television that encourages us to make decisions that stifle our thinking and therefore our creativity. Our non-conformity conforms to the marketing plans that bombard us daily.
Hey, here's a novel idea. Don't turn on the television. It's just an idea but think about it. The immutable universal law of attraction tells us that we attract into our life that which we put our attention on.
If you watch three to four or more hours of television a day you are putting a lot of attention on whatever it is that you are watching. If you just did this for one day it wouldn't affect you much, but if you do this every day and maybe a little more on the weekends, then you can begin to see the cumulative effect that this has on the overall input into what you think.
Let's just take one aspect of television and examine how it influences our lives. Remember these are just words. These are words that we are receiving through our physical sense of hearing with the addition of a visual context that adds emphasis to the overall message.
We are going to look at the national evening news. It doesn't matter which network you are tuned to because they all say the same things. Every night we are subjected to the lead story, which is the most sensational story of the day. My dictionary defines sensational as: 1. Arousing intense interests 2. Intended to shock, thrill, etc. (Kind of sounds like a carnival show)
Let's examine this daily input into our thoughts. The commentator has been carefully selected and programmed to create an image of fairness and trust. We are supposed to trust this fair-minded person who is relaying the news of the world to us in an unbiased way. That is the image that they all project to us.
We are lead to believe that they are doing us a great service by reporting to us the information, that puts into summary form, what has happened that particular day that they feel is important to you. Have they ever asked you what is important to you? Or are they trying to tell you what is important to you?
This is how subtle it is and how easy it is to influence collective thinking. Just the mere fact that you are listening to the news means that you are going to be influenced by the news. You may not have had a thought about being sick but the nightly news report tells you there is a national epidemic of the flu going around and, all of a sudden, you begin to wonder if you are going to get the flu. You feel fine but you now have a thought in your head that you might get the flu.
They take a commercial break and the first advertisement is for flu medicine. You didn't have a thought in your head about being sick just five minutes ago but now you are thinking to yourself that you should probably get some flu medicine tomorrow. You are susceptible to the flu, the nightly news just told you the flu bug is going around and you were fortunate enough to see an advertisement for flu medicine.
The next morning you wake up with a sniffle. You tell yourself, via your thoughts, that you are getting the flu. You go to work and tell a co-worker that you have the flu and will probably miss work in a few days because that is how the flu works on you. Lo and behold, you develop more flu-like symptoms and you become so sick that you can't go to work for a couple of days.
That's how subtle it is and that's how powerful our thoughts and words are. The flu example is bad enough but we are being fed much more sensational news than the flu bug. We are being fed huge doses of fear daily. Morning, noon, and night we are being told, via words on the news that we must live in fear of just about everything that is happening in the world.
We are told to fear the weather, fear earthquakes, fear the flu, fear the poor, fear our enemies, fear our school systems, fear foreigners, fear our food, fear children who commit crimes, fear the environmentalists, fear just about everything. This is the “news” that we subject ourselves to daily.
Now, I am not saying if this is right or wrong. I am only saying that in my observation this is what is so.
One final observation. I will let you answer this yourself since you are the only one who really matters here. Do you believe that the television news is based mostly in fear or in love? What is your answer?
Here's the kicker question. “Does that serve you?”
The law of attraction tells us that you bring into your life that which you put your attention on. The secret to life is to put your attention on what serves you and take your attention away from what does not serve you.
Does your spiritual growth come from the television? Does television spew forth spirituality information? We know it uses religion a lot to send its messages but is that the same as spiritual enlightenment? We often create a habit of watching television no matter what it is that we are watching.
We get into a habit of talking bad about others and ourselves and it just seems normal to us. Our environment seems to encourage us to play a role in life that has nothing to do with who we really are. We get feedback daily from the television that encourages us to make decisions that stifle our thinking and therefore our creativity. Our non-conformity conforms to the marketing plans that bombard us daily.
Hey, here's a novel idea. Don't turn on the television. It's just an idea but think about it. The immutable universal law of attraction tells us that we attract into our life that which we put our attention on.
If you watch three to four or more hours of television a day you are putting a lot of attention on whatever it is that you are watching. If you just did this for one day it wouldn't affect you much, but if you do this every day and maybe a little more on the weekends, then you can begin to see the cumulative effect that this has on the overall input into what you think.
Let's just take one aspect of television and examine how it influences our lives. Remember these are just words. These are words that we are receiving through our physical sense of hearing with the addition of a visual context that adds emphasis to the overall message.
We are going to look at the national evening news. It doesn't matter which network you are tuned to because they all say the same things. Every night we are subjected to the lead story, which is the most sensational story of the day. My dictionary defines sensational as: 1. Arousing intense interests 2. Intended to shock, thrill, etc. (Kind of sounds like a carnival show)
Let's examine this daily input into our thoughts. The commentator has been carefully selected and programmed to create an image of fairness and trust. We are supposed to trust this fair-minded person who is relaying the news of the world to us in an unbiased way. That is the image that they all project to us.
We are lead to believe that they are doing us a great service by reporting to us the information, that puts into summary form, what has happened that particular day that they feel is important to you. Have they ever asked you what is important to you? Or are they trying to tell you what is important to you?
This is how subtle it is and how easy it is to influence collective thinking. Just the mere fact that you are listening to the news means that you are going to be influenced by the news. You may not have had a thought about being sick but the nightly news report tells you there is a national epidemic of the flu going around and, all of a sudden, you begin to wonder if you are going to get the flu. You feel fine but you now have a thought in your head that you might get the flu.
They take a commercial break and the first advertisement is for flu medicine. You didn't have a thought in your head about being sick just five minutes ago but now you are thinking to yourself that you should probably get some flu medicine tomorrow. You are susceptible to the flu, the nightly news just told you the flu bug is going around and you were fortunate enough to see an advertisement for flu medicine.
The next morning you wake up with a sniffle. You tell yourself, via your thoughts, that you are getting the flu. You go to work and tell a co-worker that you have the flu and will probably miss work in a few days because that is how the flu works on you. Lo and behold, you develop more flu-like symptoms and you become so sick that you can't go to work for a couple of days.
That's how subtle it is and that's how powerful our thoughts and words are. The flu example is bad enough but we are being fed much more sensational news than the flu bug. We are being fed huge doses of fear daily. Morning, noon, and night we are being told, via words on the news that we must live in fear of just about everything that is happening in the world.
We are told to fear the weather, fear earthquakes, fear the flu, fear the poor, fear our enemies, fear our school systems, fear foreigners, fear our food, fear children who commit crimes, fear the environmentalists, fear just about everything. This is the “news” that we subject ourselves to daily.
Now, I am not saying if this is right or wrong. I am only saying that in my observation this is what is so.
One final observation. I will let you answer this yourself since you are the only one who really matters here. Do you believe that the television news is based mostly in fear or in love? What is your answer?
Here's the kicker question. “Does that serve you?”
Alternative Notions of Life, a Different Path (5): Why me or why not me? Your choice
by: Carl "JC" Pantejo
“Prosperity: The eternal flow of all that’s good in life…”
*Below is the fifth installment of a series of articles from the real life experiences of the author. The only deviations from the truth may be the names of people and places. These stories are also incorporated in “My Friend Yu – The Prosperity Mentor: Book II,” Pantejo - Y.N. Vurce Publishing. Release Date: 2008.
You wonder why other people seem to cruise through life while you are struggling.
In this article, we continue looking at “The Scenario” (introduced first in “Alternative Notions of Life, a Different Path [2]” and further examined in “Alternative Notions of Life, a Different Path [3] and [4]”).
- Steps up to now -
In “Alternative Notions of Life, a Different Path (2), (3), and (4)” we discussed The Scenario (below):
You’ve been trying to do something (or have something) for quite sometime, but it’s just not happening. You feel like you’ve done all your homework and “checked all the blocks” required for the task. Whatever it is you want, you feel that it’s really, really important and you want it bad! You begin to envy the other people who already have it. You wonder why, with all the hard work you’ve done, you don’t have it by now too? Sometimes you get angry, depressed, or discouraged because you don’t have it yet. You wonder why other people seem to cruise through life while you are struggling.
Recap of the first six sentences (discussed in the three preceding articles):
We saw negativity attracting negativity and a non-committal attitude (just trying). We talked about the Fear/Manifestation Paradox, due diligence, and envy. We looked at effectiveness, excellence, and efficiency. Lastly, we explored the importance of clarity and certainty.
Actions to Practice:
*Focus on what you desire, not on what you don’t have.
*Don’t complain, instead, be grateful for what you already have (and for what’s on its way).
*Do something everyday that takes you a little closer to your goal.
*Be effective first. Then be excellent - whether you get praise or not. Lastly, be efficient (meaning: do things quickly AND correctly).
*Be absolutely Clear in your intentions.
*Be Certain. If you can’t will yourself to be Certain, fake it until you feel it. Certainty cures doubt and worry.
- Last Sentence of The Scenario -
You wonder why other people seem to cruise through life while you are struggling.
There are two ways you can view this sentence: The Loser’s Way or The Winner’s Way.
- The Loser’s Way -
“Oh, woe is me.”
Almost all losers harbor a victim mentality. (The only exception might be the people who lack the skills to read these words. For example, the mentally challenged, bona fide Psychiatric patients, etc.).
Losers habitually blame everything and everybody else for their personal plights. They revel in their refusal of reality, the reality that they are the First Cause of their own troubles.
They are masters of avoiding anything that might require a little work or a little courage. Personal responsibility is not part of their natures (or even in their vocabularies).
They love to gather with fellow losers (of which, there never is a shortage of) and share in communal commiseration. Consciously or subconsciously, they bask in the attention that their “bad luck or broken wing” gets from onlookers.
Personally, I believe that most losers choose their limited lives because of: 1) Ignorance – maybe they have never been exposed to people and media that espouse a different way of thinking (like this series of articles), 2) Fear – afraid of what might happen if they actually succeed at anything, and 3) Indolence – they are simply to lazy to put forth the time and effort required for success.
You can be a victim or you can be a winner. You can’t be both!
- The Winner’s View -
The winner is the person who, in spite of all odds, keeps on keeping on.
Winners are persistent. Winners know that success is inevitable as long as they don’t give up.
Walt Disney launched Mickey Mouse at the lowest point in his career. Edison had thousands of failed experiments before inventing a long-lasting light bulb. Ford spent years of failure-ridden R&D to come up with the one-block engine.
Oftentimes, the prize does not go to the most skilled, but to the most stubborn!
It’s the boxer who just keeps getting up from a knockdown.
It’s the tennis player who scrambles through a long point just to get the ball over the net one more time.
It’s the marathoner or triathlete who plugs away at the miles and sees all the previous leaders fall from the race.
- There’s no such thing as “Failure” -
Similar to the concept of hot and cold as being just two points on a temperature scale, winners know that failure and success are merely two points on the success continuum.
In other words, as long as one doesn’t quit, there is no such thing as failure, just opportunities to learn (for the next time).
Winners don’t complain. They do.
Never forgetting that “people become the information they seek and the company that they keep”, winners avoid group pity parties. They take full responsibility for everything in their lives – that means everything, the good and the bad.
They celebrate the good and move on. They learn from the bad and move on. They don’t stagnate, worry, or whine. They keep moving!
And the momentum of positive things, people, and places moves them faster and faster toward their goals.
- With Ease -
Ever notice how winning professionals make what they do look so easy?
The answer is simple.
Practice, preparation, and certainty.
I’m sure Tiger Woods couldn’t tell you how many golf balls he hit before winning his first tournament. Michael Jordan probably couldn’t tell you how many hours he spent on the basketball court before turning pro. And Roger Federer couldn’t tell you how many serves, overheads, forehands, and backhands he hit before winning his first Grand Slam event.
Proper preparation leads to professional performance.
Look at successful people in any endeavor. They leave virtually nothing to chance. They do everything possible to ensure success.
While I was in the military, we prepared for any contingency we could think of. We trained, trained, and trained – until everything was second nature.
Many times, when Plan A had to be aborted, Plan B was activated. And since we’d practiced it so many times, we did it almost with no extra effort or conscious thought.
Professionals (winners) prepare and practice until mastery. They keep their magnificent obsessions in the forefront of their minds and do everything imaginable to increase the likelihood of success.
They have that indescribable “it” that drives them on.
It’s the investor who actually reads the quarterly and annual reports of the companies he’s invested in.
It’s the speaker who rehearses his speech until he doesn’t need to look at his notes.
It’s the astronaut who knows all his duties, safety checks, and emergency procedures by heart.
It’s the Parachutist or SCUBA Diver who knows his body and his equipment’s full capabilities and limitations.
- Certainty Revisited -
Did you know that almost all Gold medalists “won their gold medals in their mind” thousands of times before getting their gold medals in reality?
It’s all about Certainty. Winners are Certain. There is never a doubt in their minds about the outcome. They’ve already “seen” it. They’ve already “felt” it. And they’ve already “won” it in their minds. Their whole being becomes saturated with Certainty.
Consequently, all their actions are fluid and deliberate.
And the Universe promptly delivers.
Reality catches up to their inner game and further bolsters the winner’s Certainty. It’s a wonderful cycle!
In other words, everything a winner does supports and builds confidence, mastery, and Certainty.
The end result is a powerful calmness that pushes away all fear and doubt. In the winner’s mind he has done all that’s necessary for success. He has put in his order to the Universe, done his due diligence, and “pre-lived” his success.
Now he can just be thankful, let go and receive.
- Article’s Practice Points -
*Think like a Winner.
*Never complain. Look. Then Do.
*Practice, Prepare, and Be Certain
*Relax, Be Thankful, Let go, and Receive.
This concludes our series of articles about The Scenario.
After all of our analysis, introspection, and discussion, the question you should ask yourself now is not “Why me?” but “Why not me?”
Why not me, indeed!
“Until next time, be brave enough to take a Different Path!”
Your Friend in this Intrepid Journey called Life,
Carl “J.C.” Pantejo
Prosperity, Universe, success, winners, losers, victim mentality, certainty, practice, preparation, mastery, relax, let go.
Note: If you want to read more about Universal Laws, success, unconditional love, exorcizing past personal demons, and the Illusive Secret of Happiness, please read the following articles:
“Alternative Notions of Life, a Different Path: Guardian Angels and Universal Laws.”
“Alternative Notions of Life, a Different Path (2): Trying too hard?”
“Alternative Notions of Life, a Different Path (3): First, Be Effective.”
“Alternative Notions of Life, a Different Path (4): Intend. Be Certain.”
“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ series, articles (1) – (20).” (This is a series of articles about love, romance, Asian/Western relationships, relationship analysis, and more.)
“How Dare She! Out of Desperation I Learned How to Forgive”
“Remember Who You Are!”
“Need to Heal Your Broken Heart? Read on. Overcome Heartbreak and Learn the Illusive Secret of Happiness.”
“Simple (and Priceless) Life Lessons from the Most Influential Prosperity Mentor in My Life - My Father”
And much more!
(By Carl “J.C.” Pantejo and published internet-wide, keyword: [title of article] or “Carl Pantejo”)
Pantejo@ynvurcepublishing.com
“Prosperity: The eternal flow of all that’s good in life…”
*Below is the fifth installment of a series of articles from the real life experiences of the author. The only deviations from the truth may be the names of people and places. These stories are also incorporated in “My Friend Yu – The Prosperity Mentor: Book II,” Pantejo - Y.N. Vurce Publishing. Release Date: 2008.
You wonder why other people seem to cruise through life while you are struggling.
In this article, we continue looking at “The Scenario” (introduced first in “Alternative Notions of Life, a Different Path [2]” and further examined in “Alternative Notions of Life, a Different Path [3] and [4]”).
- Steps up to now -
In “Alternative Notions of Life, a Different Path (2), (3), and (4)” we discussed The Scenario (below):
You’ve been trying to do something (or have something) for quite sometime, but it’s just not happening. You feel like you’ve done all your homework and “checked all the blocks” required for the task. Whatever it is you want, you feel that it’s really, really important and you want it bad! You begin to envy the other people who already have it. You wonder why, with all the hard work you’ve done, you don’t have it by now too? Sometimes you get angry, depressed, or discouraged because you don’t have it yet. You wonder why other people seem to cruise through life while you are struggling.
Recap of the first six sentences (discussed in the three preceding articles):
We saw negativity attracting negativity and a non-committal attitude (just trying). We talked about the Fear/Manifestation Paradox, due diligence, and envy. We looked at effectiveness, excellence, and efficiency. Lastly, we explored the importance of clarity and certainty.
Actions to Practice:
*Focus on what you desire, not on what you don’t have.
*Don’t complain, instead, be grateful for what you already have (and for what’s on its way).
*Do something everyday that takes you a little closer to your goal.
*Be effective first. Then be excellent - whether you get praise or not. Lastly, be efficient (meaning: do things quickly AND correctly).
*Be absolutely Clear in your intentions.
*Be Certain. If you can’t will yourself to be Certain, fake it until you feel it. Certainty cures doubt and worry.
- Last Sentence of The Scenario -
You wonder why other people seem to cruise through life while you are struggling.
There are two ways you can view this sentence: The Loser’s Way or The Winner’s Way.
- The Loser’s Way -
“Oh, woe is me.”
Almost all losers harbor a victim mentality. (The only exception might be the people who lack the skills to read these words. For example, the mentally challenged, bona fide Psychiatric patients, etc.).
Losers habitually blame everything and everybody else for their personal plights. They revel in their refusal of reality, the reality that they are the First Cause of their own troubles.
They are masters of avoiding anything that might require a little work or a little courage. Personal responsibility is not part of their natures (or even in their vocabularies).
They love to gather with fellow losers (of which, there never is a shortage of) and share in communal commiseration. Consciously or subconsciously, they bask in the attention that their “bad luck or broken wing” gets from onlookers.
Personally, I believe that most losers choose their limited lives because of: 1) Ignorance – maybe they have never been exposed to people and media that espouse a different way of thinking (like this series of articles), 2) Fear – afraid of what might happen if they actually succeed at anything, and 3) Indolence – they are simply to lazy to put forth the time and effort required for success.
You can be a victim or you can be a winner. You can’t be both!
- The Winner’s View -
The winner is the person who, in spite of all odds, keeps on keeping on.
Winners are persistent. Winners know that success is inevitable as long as they don’t give up.
Walt Disney launched Mickey Mouse at the lowest point in his career. Edison had thousands of failed experiments before inventing a long-lasting light bulb. Ford spent years of failure-ridden R&D to come up with the one-block engine.
Oftentimes, the prize does not go to the most skilled, but to the most stubborn!
It’s the boxer who just keeps getting up from a knockdown.
It’s the tennis player who scrambles through a long point just to get the ball over the net one more time.
It’s the marathoner or triathlete who plugs away at the miles and sees all the previous leaders fall from the race.
- There’s no such thing as “Failure” -
Similar to the concept of hot and cold as being just two points on a temperature scale, winners know that failure and success are merely two points on the success continuum.
In other words, as long as one doesn’t quit, there is no such thing as failure, just opportunities to learn (for the next time).
Winners don’t complain. They do.
Never forgetting that “people become the information they seek and the company that they keep”, winners avoid group pity parties. They take full responsibility for everything in their lives – that means everything, the good and the bad.
They celebrate the good and move on. They learn from the bad and move on. They don’t stagnate, worry, or whine. They keep moving!
And the momentum of positive things, people, and places moves them faster and faster toward their goals.
- With Ease -
Ever notice how winning professionals make what they do look so easy?
The answer is simple.
Practice, preparation, and certainty.
I’m sure Tiger Woods couldn’t tell you how many golf balls he hit before winning his first tournament. Michael Jordan probably couldn’t tell you how many hours he spent on the basketball court before turning pro. And Roger Federer couldn’t tell you how many serves, overheads, forehands, and backhands he hit before winning his first Grand Slam event.
Proper preparation leads to professional performance.
Look at successful people in any endeavor. They leave virtually nothing to chance. They do everything possible to ensure success.
While I was in the military, we prepared for any contingency we could think of. We trained, trained, and trained – until everything was second nature.
Many times, when Plan A had to be aborted, Plan B was activated. And since we’d practiced it so many times, we did it almost with no extra effort or conscious thought.
Professionals (winners) prepare and practice until mastery. They keep their magnificent obsessions in the forefront of their minds and do everything imaginable to increase the likelihood of success.
They have that indescribable “it” that drives them on.
It’s the investor who actually reads the quarterly and annual reports of the companies he’s invested in.
It’s the speaker who rehearses his speech until he doesn’t need to look at his notes.
It’s the astronaut who knows all his duties, safety checks, and emergency procedures by heart.
It’s the Parachutist or SCUBA Diver who knows his body and his equipment’s full capabilities and limitations.
- Certainty Revisited -
Did you know that almost all Gold medalists “won their gold medals in their mind” thousands of times before getting their gold medals in reality?
It’s all about Certainty. Winners are Certain. There is never a doubt in their minds about the outcome. They’ve already “seen” it. They’ve already “felt” it. And they’ve already “won” it in their minds. Their whole being becomes saturated with Certainty.
Consequently, all their actions are fluid and deliberate.
And the Universe promptly delivers.
Reality catches up to their inner game and further bolsters the winner’s Certainty. It’s a wonderful cycle!
In other words, everything a winner does supports and builds confidence, mastery, and Certainty.
The end result is a powerful calmness that pushes away all fear and doubt. In the winner’s mind he has done all that’s necessary for success. He has put in his order to the Universe, done his due diligence, and “pre-lived” his success.
Now he can just be thankful, let go and receive.
- Article’s Practice Points -
*Think like a Winner.
*Never complain. Look. Then Do.
*Practice, Prepare, and Be Certain
*Relax, Be Thankful, Let go, and Receive.
This concludes our series of articles about The Scenario.
After all of our analysis, introspection, and discussion, the question you should ask yourself now is not “Why me?” but “Why not me?”
Why not me, indeed!
“Until next time, be brave enough to take a Different Path!”
Your Friend in this Intrepid Journey called Life,
Carl “J.C.” Pantejo
Prosperity, Universe, success, winners, losers, victim mentality, certainty, practice, preparation, mastery, relax, let go.
Note: If you want to read more about Universal Laws, success, unconditional love, exorcizing past personal demons, and the Illusive Secret of Happiness, please read the following articles:
“Alternative Notions of Life, a Different Path: Guardian Angels and Universal Laws.”
“Alternative Notions of Life, a Different Path (2): Trying too hard?”
“Alternative Notions of Life, a Different Path (3): First, Be Effective.”
“Alternative Notions of Life, a Different Path (4): Intend. Be Certain.”
“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ series, articles (1) – (20).” (This is a series of articles about love, romance, Asian/Western relationships, relationship analysis, and more.)
“How Dare She! Out of Desperation I Learned How to Forgive”
“Remember Who You Are!”
“Need to Heal Your Broken Heart? Read on. Overcome Heartbreak and Learn the Illusive Secret of Happiness.”
“Simple (and Priceless) Life Lessons from the Most Influential Prosperity Mentor in My Life - My Father”
And much more!
(By Carl “J.C.” Pantejo and published internet-wide, keyword: [title of article] or “Carl Pantejo”)
Pantejo@ynvurcepublishing.com
Creating Your Vision
by: Ivan Campuzano
Creating Your Vision
"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one" Albert Einstein
I feel that one of the most important ingredients in your formula for success is having a clearly defined and vivid vision of where you want to be. At first the “how” is not that important, you need to create a vision that gets you so excited that you develop the mentality that you will stop at nothing to get what you want. Many people first focus on the how than very quickly find themselves overwhelmed with too many details and just as quickly talk them selves out of pursuing their goals. You have to take a leap of faith and trust that the how will be shown to you as you go along. Do you remember the days as a kid with dreams of epic proportions? What happened those dreams? You got older and domesticated by a society that says that having those dreams is foolish. That’s nonsense, why wouldn’t you want to accomplish the things that even as a kid you knew would make you happy. I encourage you to dream like you once used to.
“Shoot for the moon…even if you
Miss you’ll still be amongst them stars”- Beanie Sigel(rap artist)
One way I keep myself motivated and keep my vision alive is through my picture book. In my book I have everything that I want and every morning I look at it to remind me what I want in life. Go right now and get some magazines and cut out every picture of the things you want and places you want to visit, don’t be thinking if you can actually get those things now, dare to dream. Remember your mind thinks in pictures, look at your picture book until in becomes as vivid as possible in the theater of your mind. Your mind cant tell the difference between something you remember or something you experience in real time.
Visualization Exercises(meditation):
(Please read this whole section, I will explain why almost all self help fails to produce the results people want)
You can think of meditation as conscious sleeping. Just as you sleep to gain energy for your daily functioning, meditation is conscious sleeping that gives you all the energy(creative abilities) you need for what you intend to accomplish.
I also use lucid dreaming as another way to increase creativity, I will soon write a hub on lucid dreaming.(Lucid dreaming is when you actually become aware in your dream that you are dreaming, once properly trained you can control your dreams)
Use the power of meditation to help you achieve your goals. Strive to everyday meditate one minute for each year of your current age. I am 24, so everyday I try and meditate at least 24 minutes. If you are new to meditation check out this website on transcendental meditation .There are many techniques find something that feels good to you.
Quantum Mind Power
Daily Routine:
1. Pick a nice comfortable place where to meditate. Have an intention on what you plan to meditate on before hand. Ex. A destination you want to visit.
2. Find a comfortable position to sit. Sitting on a chair or on the floor, does not really matter as long as it is comfortable for you.
3. Cross your legs, clasp your hands together.(this helps make your own energy circuit and gives stability)
4.Close your eyes, than stop inner and outer chatter.
5. Relax, begin thinking that your whole body is becoming extremely relaxed.
6. Eyes should be closed.
7. You will notice that your mind is full of many thoughts. Your mind will than begin to ask questions to those thoughts and try and come up with answers whether they are known or unknown. This is why your mind(ego) can be your enemy if it mostly thinks in negative terms.
8. You will need to transcend your mind and thoughts in order to meditate. Your mind and thoughts are what separate you from your higher self, you can also think of your higher self as your subconscious mind don't worry about the labels.
9. You transcend your mind by simply observing your breath. Don't inhale/exhale consciously just observe your natural breathing. Don't go behind your thoughts, if you catch your self drifting just always come back to your breathing. Slowly the amount of thoughts reduces and your breathing becomes thinner and shorter. If you are able to keep all your focus on your breath, you will get to the point of no thought and no breath. This state of no thought is your connection to your divine being and energy body. The more you meditate the more benefits and energy that you will receive. Your own self awareness and consciousness will also expand.
10. You will feel a very pleasurable feeling meditating. If you feel any discomfort in your body these can be possible areas of disease or illness. If you meditate everyday you will heal your body naturally.
11. Now that you are in a state of no thought and total relaxation. Begin to think only on your intention. Remember whatever you think now is in a state that will be impregnated directly into your subconscious. It is incredibly important that you don't color any of your thoughts with any lack,limitation,dis belief or doubt. This is why almost all self help material does not produce the results people expect. Wishing for more money(or anything else) never works, the thought of wanting more money also has the thought of doubt attached to it. Ask your self how many thoughts that you think about have been modified in a way that is not beneficial to you. You just never realize that you are programming your sub conscious all day. This is why meditation is so powerful. You are able to make suggestions to your subconscious where the thought is not modified in any way shape or form. So if you want to make things happen fast you need to get rid of the concept of attaching time to yourthoughts. You have to remember that everything you get in your life comes based on the conditions that you set up and time is usually one condition that cuases the most frustration with people. Just as a computer programmer gives a computer instructions to complete a task, you program the most powerful computer you have which is your subconscious. Your conscious mind acts as the gate keeper as to what thoughts you let in. Now that you know this choose to become more aware and conscious about what you think all day long. Learn to see the world in a non linear way, remove time from your consiousness and watch how things show up in your life faster than you ever thought.
Thoughts = feelings = actions = results (just like that you can begin to shape your life)
12. Mentally rehearse every moment of it with all your senses. Dare to be like Peter Pan :)
13. Visualize in vivid detail, your intention as established fact. Also make sure you meditate only on days you feel good. Remember you want your thoughts to be as pure as possible. This also means that you really find out what you want, make sure its not something you want solely for ego purposes. Thoughts that involve the ego are usually always colored with negativity.
14. With time you will begin to be able to hold vivid pictures of anything(you will develop you third eye). The more you are able to hold onto an image in your mind the more power you give it.
15. Get up and go have a great day :) notice how much energy you have the rest of the day. As you advance in your discipline, you will have a lot of fun basically creating your day before it starts.
Beliefs:
To start making that vision a reality you will have to change some of your beliefs and adopt beliefs that will help you reach your goals. Because if you have this great vision of you retiring on your own private beach but deep down you don’t believe you can do it, you have already sabotaged yourself. Your desire and your belief are in conflict with each other and therefore you will not manifest what it is that you want into your life. If you want to be a good leader one day but you currently have the belief that you are a shy person, it will not happen. You need to truly make a decision to adopt the belief that you are really outgoing. When you truly decide to do something you will find a way to do it.
“Nothing happens unless first a dream” – Carl Sandburg
Some Ways to shape your beliefs:
1. Always think Success- as soon as you think about failure forget about it and don’t let anymore negative thoughts snowball. The more attention you give a thought the more powerful it will become than you will make it harder for yourself to get back to a productive mind state. The only way to change how you feel is to think about something else. Whenever you feel doubt, fear, and failure creeping into your mind have a default thought that you can use to avoid giving attention to mental poison. As soon as I feel I am entertaining thoughts of negativity I immediately begin to think about relaxing on a beach and affirm to myself that “I attract abundance to all areas of my life”. The more I try and have the feelings of being on the beach with no worries and remind myself that I am in complete control of how I feel, I immediately feel the negativity begin to melt away as I begin to focus on my new positive thought.
2. Develop the belief that you are better than you currently feel- don’t look at your weaknesses as a burden but as an opportunity to improve your self. When I find something I don’t like about my personality I don’t get down on myself for it, I just realize that now I have something I can work on to make myself better. Most importantly love and accept who you are, not who you will or should be.
3. Believe that sky’s the limit- if you have little goals you will have little success, the bigger your dreams the more potential for your possible success. Even If you think your dream is too big, strive to reach that dream, because you will end up at a better place than if you would have set your sights on a smaller goal. The trick is to really believe you can do it, this just isn’t wishful thinking. Wishful thinking never got anyone anything, you need to find out what you want and get out there and get it. If you really want that house on the beach your mind will come up with ways to help you get it.(develop faith in your self)
How to remove junk beliefs:
1. Meditate on your old belief and tell the truth about it. Now replace it with a belief that will better serve you. Meditate on it until you feel you have changed that belief.
Now when you accept these beliefs it means you will have to raise your standards and develop a strategy that will put you on the road to accomplish what you set forth. Do whatever you have to do. Read any books that will spark your interest or help you discover any distinctions that will point you in the right direction. Find a role model, a person who has already accomplished what you want. Find out what some of their beliefs, interests, body language, image, etc. is and adopt them as your own. Your role model can serve as a blue print, the goal is to cut down on the trial and error so you can get where you want faster than you ever thought possible. You can take all the qualities from all the people you admire and add your own personal touch. Just think of if it as if you are trying to build the person you want and know you can be. Thomas Edison is one of the greatest inventors in history, he was able to elaborate, modify and adapt on other peoples ideas. You don’t have torecreate the wheel just constantly be aware of any success ingredients you come across and make them part of your identity. Think of your mind as a warehouse the more you learn and store will eventually serve as an inventory for future reference, which will breed new ideas and perspectives.
Consistency is key we are all creatures of patterns and habits. In order to become the person you desire to be, start by changing your patterns. Think of all the quality traits you must possess, make a pattern which uses those traits efficiently than strive to be consistent. Consistency will develop into habits and this is key because if you fail to be consistent with your actions you will not be consistent with who you desire to be. This lack of confusion between your actions and what your mind knows you are capable of leads to tremendous amounts of stress, confusion, and even depression. Many other consequences also come from a lack of consistency.
This is why awareness of self is critical; you need to be constantly evaluating your self. Decide if the persona you are currently displaying is the reality that you want for yourself,because with enough time thats what your reality will become.
Thank you for reading my hub, I love to hear anyones opinion or suggestions. Good luck to everyone.
http://www.howtogetyourshineon.com
Creating Your Vision
"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one" Albert Einstein
I feel that one of the most important ingredients in your formula for success is having a clearly defined and vivid vision of where you want to be. At first the “how” is not that important, you need to create a vision that gets you so excited that you develop the mentality that you will stop at nothing to get what you want. Many people first focus on the how than very quickly find themselves overwhelmed with too many details and just as quickly talk them selves out of pursuing their goals. You have to take a leap of faith and trust that the how will be shown to you as you go along. Do you remember the days as a kid with dreams of epic proportions? What happened those dreams? You got older and domesticated by a society that says that having those dreams is foolish. That’s nonsense, why wouldn’t you want to accomplish the things that even as a kid you knew would make you happy. I encourage you to dream like you once used to.
“Shoot for the moon…even if you
Miss you’ll still be amongst them stars”- Beanie Sigel(rap artist)
One way I keep myself motivated and keep my vision alive is through my picture book. In my book I have everything that I want and every morning I look at it to remind me what I want in life. Go right now and get some magazines and cut out every picture of the things you want and places you want to visit, don’t be thinking if you can actually get those things now, dare to dream. Remember your mind thinks in pictures, look at your picture book until in becomes as vivid as possible in the theater of your mind. Your mind cant tell the difference between something you remember or something you experience in real time.
Visualization Exercises(meditation):
(Please read this whole section, I will explain why almost all self help fails to produce the results people want)
You can think of meditation as conscious sleeping. Just as you sleep to gain energy for your daily functioning, meditation is conscious sleeping that gives you all the energy(creative abilities) you need for what you intend to accomplish.
I also use lucid dreaming as another way to increase creativity, I will soon write a hub on lucid dreaming.(Lucid dreaming is when you actually become aware in your dream that you are dreaming, once properly trained you can control your dreams)
Use the power of meditation to help you achieve your goals. Strive to everyday meditate one minute for each year of your current age. I am 24, so everyday I try and meditate at least 24 minutes. If you are new to meditation check out this website on transcendental meditation .There are many techniques find something that feels good to you.
Quantum Mind Power
Daily Routine:
1. Pick a nice comfortable place where to meditate. Have an intention on what you plan to meditate on before hand. Ex. A destination you want to visit.
2. Find a comfortable position to sit. Sitting on a chair or on the floor, does not really matter as long as it is comfortable for you.
3. Cross your legs, clasp your hands together.(this helps make your own energy circuit and gives stability)
4.Close your eyes, than stop inner and outer chatter.
5. Relax, begin thinking that your whole body is becoming extremely relaxed.
6. Eyes should be closed.
7. You will notice that your mind is full of many thoughts. Your mind will than begin to ask questions to those thoughts and try and come up with answers whether they are known or unknown. This is why your mind(ego) can be your enemy if it mostly thinks in negative terms.
8. You will need to transcend your mind and thoughts in order to meditate. Your mind and thoughts are what separate you from your higher self, you can also think of your higher self as your subconscious mind don't worry about the labels.
9. You transcend your mind by simply observing your breath. Don't inhale/exhale consciously just observe your natural breathing. Don't go behind your thoughts, if you catch your self drifting just always come back to your breathing. Slowly the amount of thoughts reduces and your breathing becomes thinner and shorter. If you are able to keep all your focus on your breath, you will get to the point of no thought and no breath. This state of no thought is your connection to your divine being and energy body. The more you meditate the more benefits and energy that you will receive. Your own self awareness and consciousness will also expand.
10. You will feel a very pleasurable feeling meditating. If you feel any discomfort in your body these can be possible areas of disease or illness. If you meditate everyday you will heal your body naturally.
11. Now that you are in a state of no thought and total relaxation. Begin to think only on your intention. Remember whatever you think now is in a state that will be impregnated directly into your subconscious. It is incredibly important that you don't color any of your thoughts with any lack,limitation,dis belief or doubt. This is why almost all self help material does not produce the results people expect. Wishing for more money(or anything else) never works, the thought of wanting more money also has the thought of doubt attached to it. Ask your self how many thoughts that you think about have been modified in a way that is not beneficial to you. You just never realize that you are programming your sub conscious all day. This is why meditation is so powerful. You are able to make suggestions to your subconscious where the thought is not modified in any way shape or form. So if you want to make things happen fast you need to get rid of the concept of attaching time to yourthoughts. You have to remember that everything you get in your life comes based on the conditions that you set up and time is usually one condition that cuases the most frustration with people. Just as a computer programmer gives a computer instructions to complete a task, you program the most powerful computer you have which is your subconscious. Your conscious mind acts as the gate keeper as to what thoughts you let in. Now that you know this choose to become more aware and conscious about what you think all day long. Learn to see the world in a non linear way, remove time from your consiousness and watch how things show up in your life faster than you ever thought.
Thoughts = feelings = actions = results (just like that you can begin to shape your life)
12. Mentally rehearse every moment of it with all your senses. Dare to be like Peter Pan :)
13. Visualize in vivid detail, your intention as established fact. Also make sure you meditate only on days you feel good. Remember you want your thoughts to be as pure as possible. This also means that you really find out what you want, make sure its not something you want solely for ego purposes. Thoughts that involve the ego are usually always colored with negativity.
14. With time you will begin to be able to hold vivid pictures of anything(you will develop you third eye). The more you are able to hold onto an image in your mind the more power you give it.
15. Get up and go have a great day :) notice how much energy you have the rest of the day. As you advance in your discipline, you will have a lot of fun basically creating your day before it starts.
Beliefs:
To start making that vision a reality you will have to change some of your beliefs and adopt beliefs that will help you reach your goals. Because if you have this great vision of you retiring on your own private beach but deep down you don’t believe you can do it, you have already sabotaged yourself. Your desire and your belief are in conflict with each other and therefore you will not manifest what it is that you want into your life. If you want to be a good leader one day but you currently have the belief that you are a shy person, it will not happen. You need to truly make a decision to adopt the belief that you are really outgoing. When you truly decide to do something you will find a way to do it.
“Nothing happens unless first a dream” – Carl Sandburg
Some Ways to shape your beliefs:
1. Always think Success- as soon as you think about failure forget about it and don’t let anymore negative thoughts snowball. The more attention you give a thought the more powerful it will become than you will make it harder for yourself to get back to a productive mind state. The only way to change how you feel is to think about something else. Whenever you feel doubt, fear, and failure creeping into your mind have a default thought that you can use to avoid giving attention to mental poison. As soon as I feel I am entertaining thoughts of negativity I immediately begin to think about relaxing on a beach and affirm to myself that “I attract abundance to all areas of my life”. The more I try and have the feelings of being on the beach with no worries and remind myself that I am in complete control of how I feel, I immediately feel the negativity begin to melt away as I begin to focus on my new positive thought.
2. Develop the belief that you are better than you currently feel- don’t look at your weaknesses as a burden but as an opportunity to improve your self. When I find something I don’t like about my personality I don’t get down on myself for it, I just realize that now I have something I can work on to make myself better. Most importantly love and accept who you are, not who you will or should be.
3. Believe that sky’s the limit- if you have little goals you will have little success, the bigger your dreams the more potential for your possible success. Even If you think your dream is too big, strive to reach that dream, because you will end up at a better place than if you would have set your sights on a smaller goal. The trick is to really believe you can do it, this just isn’t wishful thinking. Wishful thinking never got anyone anything, you need to find out what you want and get out there and get it. If you really want that house on the beach your mind will come up with ways to help you get it.(develop faith in your self)
How to remove junk beliefs:
1. Meditate on your old belief and tell the truth about it. Now replace it with a belief that will better serve you. Meditate on it until you feel you have changed that belief.
Now when you accept these beliefs it means you will have to raise your standards and develop a strategy that will put you on the road to accomplish what you set forth. Do whatever you have to do. Read any books that will spark your interest or help you discover any distinctions that will point you in the right direction. Find a role model, a person who has already accomplished what you want. Find out what some of their beliefs, interests, body language, image, etc. is and adopt them as your own. Your role model can serve as a blue print, the goal is to cut down on the trial and error so you can get where you want faster than you ever thought possible. You can take all the qualities from all the people you admire and add your own personal touch. Just think of if it as if you are trying to build the person you want and know you can be. Thomas Edison is one of the greatest inventors in history, he was able to elaborate, modify and adapt on other peoples ideas. You don’t have torecreate the wheel just constantly be aware of any success ingredients you come across and make them part of your identity. Think of your mind as a warehouse the more you learn and store will eventually serve as an inventory for future reference, which will breed new ideas and perspectives.
Consistency is key we are all creatures of patterns and habits. In order to become the person you desire to be, start by changing your patterns. Think of all the quality traits you must possess, make a pattern which uses those traits efficiently than strive to be consistent. Consistency will develop into habits and this is key because if you fail to be consistent with your actions you will not be consistent with who you desire to be. This lack of confusion between your actions and what your mind knows you are capable of leads to tremendous amounts of stress, confusion, and even depression. Many other consequences also come from a lack of consistency.
This is why awareness of self is critical; you need to be constantly evaluating your self. Decide if the persona you are currently displaying is the reality that you want for yourself,because with enough time thats what your reality will become.
Thank you for reading my hub, I love to hear anyones opinion or suggestions. Good luck to everyone.
http://www.howtogetyourshineon.com
How To Make Many Friends Easily
by: Ivan Campuzano
How to make many friends easily..
With every goal you have in life, people will always be a critical part of it. How fast you reach your goals depends on how well you deal with people and the level of influence you have on them. In order to really influence people you must become a person who is likable. How do you become likable? You must have a sincere interest in other people. Every person on this earth wants to feel important, so you need to treat everyone with the up most importance, because they deserve it. Remember no one is better than you and you are not better than anyone, we are all human beings who deserve the same amount of respect.
Becoming Likable:
Setting the Stage
Your goal in meeting people should be to consciously be the first to initiate and set the stage for conversation. Most people are hesitant to be the first, don’t be like most people step out of your comfort zone. I know that if you are a shy person that this can be one of the hardest things for you to do, but the more you do it, the more you condition your self for it to become second nature. As a small kid I used to be really shy but I noticed that the kids that where outgoing tended to be the happier kids so I began to step out of my comfort zone and now I feel I can walk up to almost anyone. This is going to take time; things don’t happen over night but don’t let this discourage you. Many people feel that for you to become proficient in something takes around five years. Don’t waste anytime, start today and each day after that will get easier. Each different experience will later serve as a reference to remind you, that you can approach almost anyone. By being the first to initiate conversation you also automatically have a certain degree of control, you are able to draw people into your own rhythms. Have you ever noticed how persuasive people are able to seduce you to their ways, dictating your body language and basically synchronizing it to theirs? This is because people naturally imitate other people as a way of communicating with the other person. So if you are the first you get to decide what angle to approach. So if the person you are approaching appears sad, approach them with a big confident smile. Odds are they will slowly begin to smile; you will automatically change their mood. Now you will have a better chance of having a better conversation.
In setting the stage you will need to train your self to pick up any subtle signals that the person you are approaching is giving off. With time you will be able to sum up a person in a blink of an eye and from what your subconscious catches use it help you set the stage. This will require you to have an open mind and immerse your self in as many different worlds/cultures as possible. That’s why I never limit my self to one particular set of friends. I have friends from all sorts of backgrounds. I have friends who are skaters, basketball players, artists, musicians, writers, etc. By having so many friends with diverse interests I quickly learn about their worlds. By knowing what kind of stage to set up you will know how to get the other person to think very highly of you. For example by being observant you will catch the subtleties in the way a person appears to be (The way he is dressed, body language, tone of voice, language, etc.) which will help you to imagine placing your self in there shoes. By really imagining what being that person is like it will give you a good idea of how he/she is feeling. This in turn helps you get a better idea of what appproach to use when trying to communicate effectively with them. When I am able to pick up persons subtleties I will know what topics, questions, and general things that appeal to them which gives me information to work with in the process of winning that person as a friend. Like if know this person is really passionate about cars, I will ask a question with the minimum knowledge I have about something that he knows or thinks he knows a lot about.
Now you set the stage for Mike who will love to tell me exactly why the Mitsubishi EVO is better. When someone is knowledgeable about something it’s in their nature to tell you because it is one more opportunity for them to show how great or smart they are. You have to cater to their ego and never test or contradict their ideas, because their ego will not accept someone who is supposed to know less tell them they are possibly wrong. If I would have told him that I heard that the Subaru WRX is better, we would have just gotten in an argument that he would not have backed out of. But I didn’t and now they will love me for it, because I was taking interest into what he enjoys.
Body Language
Whenever you approach someone for the very first time your body language will do most of the talking and the other person will immediately have a first impression of you. So you must always be aware that whatever you say your body is also in agreement. If you say one thing and your body says the opposite you will come out as someone fake. We have all seen the girl that walks up to another girl and says “I’m so happy to see you…how you been?....you look so good…” but their body language is saying “what are you doing here….I’m not really listening to what your saying” this is easily seen and can be one of the rudest things you can do in trying to make new friends. Always approach someone with open gestures and a smile. If you approach someone with crossed arms, this will automatically make the other person defensive and question your motives. Approach them with open arms and a gentle smile, smiling is infectious if the other person has a stern look on their face the moment youapproach them with a smile you will gradually notice that they will smile too. This usually sets it up for a good conversation because both people are in good moods. Try this - if you’re in a neutral mood right now, put a big smile on your face for no reason if you pay attention you can feel your body changing and your mood immediately start to change. People who are in good moods will place a lot more importance to what you have to say.
Questions and Listening
Your next goal is to sincerely try to find out as much as you can about the person. Ask quality questions; find out what is important to the person, goals, beliefs, interests, etc. The key is to be sincere so the person feels comfortable and is more likely to open up. Try to have a calm demeanor refrain from being overly eager as this might scare the person. You must be able to match the mood of the person. If the person is excited to tell you a story you must become excited as well. If the person is telling you a sad story you must show sincere empathy. Be open minded and really listen to the person.
Listening: Try to listen at least twice as much as you talk. Listening requires more than just pretending to listen or simply hearing a person talk. Listening and hearing are two completely different things and the person can tell if you’re really listening to them, or simply hearing them speak. Being a good listener is a skill, you must become an active listener. Remember this is all about the other person, who cares if you don’t get to talk about your self. In the end the other person will love you for it. They will tell their friends
“Man I really enjoyed talking to that person”….why is that? Was he a very interesting person? “You know what…I really don’t know why…I really don’t know much about him”
This shouldn’t bother you because in the end you greatly benefited from the situation as well. If you’re an effective listener you will gain a better understanding of that person’s thoughts, perspectives, feelings and actions. You have to remember that most people would rather talk than listen, but most of the time this person is not very influential. Take this as an opportunity to become more persuasive and influential.
Sometimes the problem with most people is that listening to them doesn’t have much value. They feel that in order to get people to like them they must do a great deal of the talking. Think about that for a minute, how do you like it when another person is talking so much that when you try and say something they still keep talking. You eventually quit listening to that person because you got to annoyed. Now sometimes you don’t need to do most of the listening, you constantly need to evaluate the situation. Sometimes people really want to hear what you have to say. In this situation still try and get the other person involved and flip around the question that they just asked you.
People who talk too much
1. People always talk about them behind their backs
2. In group settings they feel they always need to say something just to feel like they are contributing.
3. Usually have very big egos
4. They ask questions that they already have the answers too
5. Because they are so focused on having something to say aren’t even listening to what someone is saying.
People Who Listen Effectively
1.Get the whole picture, than they can act accordingly.
2.Everyone loves a good listener so you will make tons of friends.
3.No one talks bad about you, who ever said “man that kid just loves to listen too much”
Good listening is going to really take effort. The reason is that people can think a lot faster than people can speak. What ends up happening is that you begin to think of other things as that person is speaking. Than you become consumed with those thoughts. Next thing you know the other person asks you “So than do you think I did the right thing”. You weren’t listening so you have no idea what to say. This is one of biggest turn offs in trying to become friends with that person.
Things to avoid when Listening
Don’t Interrupt
Because you have the upper hand by thinking faster than someone who is speaking, you will become tempted to interrupt. Don’t because the other person will get the feeling that you don’t care what they are saying and want to bring back the topic of conversation to you. The other person might also have great momentum going in telling you a story, but when you interrupt them their story doesn’t carry as much feeling when they go back to speaking. You also show that you are one of those people who enjoy speaking more than being a good listener. When you interrupt you are also making assumptions of what you think the other person is about to say. This might cause you to miss out completely different information. Because you interrupted them the other person might not even want to continue telling you about it.
Don’t Finish Other Peoples Sentences
Don't Offer Advice too Soon
Compliments + Appreciation
The way to make people feel important is through sincere compliments and appreciation. Most people go out their way to do something, to get other people to notice them, yet most people don’t. Get in the habit of noticing the little things about people. In the end the little things are what matter and what end up making a person unique so pay attention. Next time you see them, be the first to give them a sincere compliment on something even as simple as their hair cut. By making other people feel good about them selves you should also feel good for doing it, it’s a win win situation.
Many times people walk around with the mentality that other people owe them something, nobody owes you anything. Whenever anybody does anything for you show your appreciation and let them know you don’t take anything for granted. Be spontaneous get the person a small gift when they don’t expect it.
Encouragement
Once you find out what is truly important to someone you must provide encouragement. Everyone has dreams and aspirations. Be the one who encourages them to pursue their goals. Any insight or information that’s empowering will provide a boost to their confidence. Most people are so afraid of failure that they will not pursue their goals. They will give you all the reasons why their goals are out of reach. Your goal should be to switch their focus on the negative reasons to the ways how they can make it happen. You have to remember that whatever we focus on becomes our reality, so when you focus only on the negative aspects that’s all you will see. When they give you a reason why they can’t do it, ask them if that’s really a reason or a mere excuse. If they are excuses show them how destructive it is to be in this mental state. Make them realize that all their hopes and dreams are in danger all because of petty excuses. One of the best feelings you will get in dealing with people, is when you get another person excited about his goals or ideas. Now that the person is excited you need to point them in the right direction. Help them research the world they want to be in; find out as much relevant information. Help them create a plan and deadlines that will help them reach their goals. Start with small attainable goals, this will help them gain momentum and than move onto more challenging goals. By being active in the whole process you will build a deeper and more influential relationship with that person. He will not see you as a mere friend but as an ally in their journey to success.
Plan and Organize Social Events
One of the best ways to develop a meaningful experience with someone is through a social event. Whenever you participate in an event or trip your relationship with those people will become even greater. When I studied abroad in Prague I have never developed such strong relationships in such a short amount of time. I met people from all over the world and on the weekends we would take trips to other countries. On these trips I made incredible bonds, because everyone was on an adventure of experiencing new things together. Experiences are always magnified with more people involved. Just think about when you are watching a funny movie all by yourself you begin to laugh but than realize no one is there to enjoy the moment with you and your experience is quickly diminished .
I hope all these pointers will help everyone become more influential, take care and much success to everyone!
http://www.howtogetyourshineon.com
How to make many friends easily..
With every goal you have in life, people will always be a critical part of it. How fast you reach your goals depends on how well you deal with people and the level of influence you have on them. In order to really influence people you must become a person who is likable. How do you become likable? You must have a sincere interest in other people. Every person on this earth wants to feel important, so you need to treat everyone with the up most importance, because they deserve it. Remember no one is better than you and you are not better than anyone, we are all human beings who deserve the same amount of respect.
Becoming Likable:
Setting the Stage
Your goal in meeting people should be to consciously be the first to initiate and set the stage for conversation. Most people are hesitant to be the first, don’t be like most people step out of your comfort zone. I know that if you are a shy person that this can be one of the hardest things for you to do, but the more you do it, the more you condition your self for it to become second nature. As a small kid I used to be really shy but I noticed that the kids that where outgoing tended to be the happier kids so I began to step out of my comfort zone and now I feel I can walk up to almost anyone. This is going to take time; things don’t happen over night but don’t let this discourage you. Many people feel that for you to become proficient in something takes around five years. Don’t waste anytime, start today and each day after that will get easier. Each different experience will later serve as a reference to remind you, that you can approach almost anyone. By being the first to initiate conversation you also automatically have a certain degree of control, you are able to draw people into your own rhythms. Have you ever noticed how persuasive people are able to seduce you to their ways, dictating your body language and basically synchronizing it to theirs? This is because people naturally imitate other people as a way of communicating with the other person. So if you are the first you get to decide what angle to approach. So if the person you are approaching appears sad, approach them with a big confident smile. Odds are they will slowly begin to smile; you will automatically change their mood. Now you will have a better chance of having a better conversation.
In setting the stage you will need to train your self to pick up any subtle signals that the person you are approaching is giving off. With time you will be able to sum up a person in a blink of an eye and from what your subconscious catches use it help you set the stage. This will require you to have an open mind and immerse your self in as many different worlds/cultures as possible. That’s why I never limit my self to one particular set of friends. I have friends from all sorts of backgrounds. I have friends who are skaters, basketball players, artists, musicians, writers, etc. By having so many friends with diverse interests I quickly learn about their worlds. By knowing what kind of stage to set up you will know how to get the other person to think very highly of you. For example by being observant you will catch the subtleties in the way a person appears to be (The way he is dressed, body language, tone of voice, language, etc.) which will help you to imagine placing your self in there shoes. By really imagining what being that person is like it will give you a good idea of how he/she is feeling. This in turn helps you get a better idea of what appproach to use when trying to communicate effectively with them. When I am able to pick up persons subtleties I will know what topics, questions, and general things that appeal to them which gives me information to work with in the process of winning that person as a friend. Like if know this person is really passionate about cars, I will ask a question with the minimum knowledge I have about something that he knows or thinks he knows a lot about.
Now you set the stage for Mike who will love to tell me exactly why the Mitsubishi EVO is better. When someone is knowledgeable about something it’s in their nature to tell you because it is one more opportunity for them to show how great or smart they are. You have to cater to their ego and never test or contradict their ideas, because their ego will not accept someone who is supposed to know less tell them they are possibly wrong. If I would have told him that I heard that the Subaru WRX is better, we would have just gotten in an argument that he would not have backed out of. But I didn’t and now they will love me for it, because I was taking interest into what he enjoys.
Body Language
Whenever you approach someone for the very first time your body language will do most of the talking and the other person will immediately have a first impression of you. So you must always be aware that whatever you say your body is also in agreement. If you say one thing and your body says the opposite you will come out as someone fake. We have all seen the girl that walks up to another girl and says “I’m so happy to see you…how you been?....you look so good…” but their body language is saying “what are you doing here….I’m not really listening to what your saying” this is easily seen and can be one of the rudest things you can do in trying to make new friends. Always approach someone with open gestures and a smile. If you approach someone with crossed arms, this will automatically make the other person defensive and question your motives. Approach them with open arms and a gentle smile, smiling is infectious if the other person has a stern look on their face the moment youapproach them with a smile you will gradually notice that they will smile too. This usually sets it up for a good conversation because both people are in good moods. Try this - if you’re in a neutral mood right now, put a big smile on your face for no reason if you pay attention you can feel your body changing and your mood immediately start to change. People who are in good moods will place a lot more importance to what you have to say.
Questions and Listening
Your next goal is to sincerely try to find out as much as you can about the person. Ask quality questions; find out what is important to the person, goals, beliefs, interests, etc. The key is to be sincere so the person feels comfortable and is more likely to open up. Try to have a calm demeanor refrain from being overly eager as this might scare the person. You must be able to match the mood of the person. If the person is excited to tell you a story you must become excited as well. If the person is telling you a sad story you must show sincere empathy. Be open minded and really listen to the person.
Listening: Try to listen at least twice as much as you talk. Listening requires more than just pretending to listen or simply hearing a person talk. Listening and hearing are two completely different things and the person can tell if you’re really listening to them, or simply hearing them speak. Being a good listener is a skill, you must become an active listener. Remember this is all about the other person, who cares if you don’t get to talk about your self. In the end the other person will love you for it. They will tell their friends
“Man I really enjoyed talking to that person”….why is that? Was he a very interesting person? “You know what…I really don’t know why…I really don’t know much about him”
This shouldn’t bother you because in the end you greatly benefited from the situation as well. If you’re an effective listener you will gain a better understanding of that person’s thoughts, perspectives, feelings and actions. You have to remember that most people would rather talk than listen, but most of the time this person is not very influential. Take this as an opportunity to become more persuasive and influential.
Sometimes the problem with most people is that listening to them doesn’t have much value. They feel that in order to get people to like them they must do a great deal of the talking. Think about that for a minute, how do you like it when another person is talking so much that when you try and say something they still keep talking. You eventually quit listening to that person because you got to annoyed. Now sometimes you don’t need to do most of the listening, you constantly need to evaluate the situation. Sometimes people really want to hear what you have to say. In this situation still try and get the other person involved and flip around the question that they just asked you.
People who talk too much
1. People always talk about them behind their backs
2. In group settings they feel they always need to say something just to feel like they are contributing.
3. Usually have very big egos
4. They ask questions that they already have the answers too
5. Because they are so focused on having something to say aren’t even listening to what someone is saying.
People Who Listen Effectively
1.Get the whole picture, than they can act accordingly.
2.Everyone loves a good listener so you will make tons of friends.
3.No one talks bad about you, who ever said “man that kid just loves to listen too much”
Good listening is going to really take effort. The reason is that people can think a lot faster than people can speak. What ends up happening is that you begin to think of other things as that person is speaking. Than you become consumed with those thoughts. Next thing you know the other person asks you “So than do you think I did the right thing”. You weren’t listening so you have no idea what to say. This is one of biggest turn offs in trying to become friends with that person.
Things to avoid when Listening
Don’t Interrupt
Because you have the upper hand by thinking faster than someone who is speaking, you will become tempted to interrupt. Don’t because the other person will get the feeling that you don’t care what they are saying and want to bring back the topic of conversation to you. The other person might also have great momentum going in telling you a story, but when you interrupt them their story doesn’t carry as much feeling when they go back to speaking. You also show that you are one of those people who enjoy speaking more than being a good listener. When you interrupt you are also making assumptions of what you think the other person is about to say. This might cause you to miss out completely different information. Because you interrupted them the other person might not even want to continue telling you about it.
Don’t Finish Other Peoples Sentences
Don't Offer Advice too Soon
Compliments + Appreciation
The way to make people feel important is through sincere compliments and appreciation. Most people go out their way to do something, to get other people to notice them, yet most people don’t. Get in the habit of noticing the little things about people. In the end the little things are what matter and what end up making a person unique so pay attention. Next time you see them, be the first to give them a sincere compliment on something even as simple as their hair cut. By making other people feel good about them selves you should also feel good for doing it, it’s a win win situation.
Many times people walk around with the mentality that other people owe them something, nobody owes you anything. Whenever anybody does anything for you show your appreciation and let them know you don’t take anything for granted. Be spontaneous get the person a small gift when they don’t expect it.
Encouragement
Once you find out what is truly important to someone you must provide encouragement. Everyone has dreams and aspirations. Be the one who encourages them to pursue their goals. Any insight or information that’s empowering will provide a boost to their confidence. Most people are so afraid of failure that they will not pursue their goals. They will give you all the reasons why their goals are out of reach. Your goal should be to switch their focus on the negative reasons to the ways how they can make it happen. You have to remember that whatever we focus on becomes our reality, so when you focus only on the negative aspects that’s all you will see. When they give you a reason why they can’t do it, ask them if that’s really a reason or a mere excuse. If they are excuses show them how destructive it is to be in this mental state. Make them realize that all their hopes and dreams are in danger all because of petty excuses. One of the best feelings you will get in dealing with people, is when you get another person excited about his goals or ideas. Now that the person is excited you need to point them in the right direction. Help them research the world they want to be in; find out as much relevant information. Help them create a plan and deadlines that will help them reach their goals. Start with small attainable goals, this will help them gain momentum and than move onto more challenging goals. By being active in the whole process you will build a deeper and more influential relationship with that person. He will not see you as a mere friend but as an ally in their journey to success.
Plan and Organize Social Events
One of the best ways to develop a meaningful experience with someone is through a social event. Whenever you participate in an event or trip your relationship with those people will become even greater. When I studied abroad in Prague I have never developed such strong relationships in such a short amount of time. I met people from all over the world and on the weekends we would take trips to other countries. On these trips I made incredible bonds, because everyone was on an adventure of experiencing new things together. Experiences are always magnified with more people involved. Just think about when you are watching a funny movie all by yourself you begin to laugh but than realize no one is there to enjoy the moment with you and your experience is quickly diminished .
I hope all these pointers will help everyone become more influential, take care and much success to everyone!
http://www.howtogetyourshineon.com
Manifestation Exercise # 11 - Discovering the Hidden Positives Behind The Negatives
by: Janeen Clark
This is a good exercise to use when you want to discover what is really going on behind the scenes of your negative experiences. There is something positive beyond them - you just need to discover what it is.
You see, your higher self sees beyond time and current circumstances. It knows your “true intentions“, even if you are unaware of them consciously, and it will do everything in its power to match you vibrationally to that thing you are “truly” wanting.
For instance, if your higher intention is safety and security and something comes up that will jeopardize that safety and security (even if you are unaware that it will jeopardize it at the time) it is not at all surprising that obstacles will suddenly appear to prevent you from making a mistake.
Quite often we can misinterpret this obstacles as negative things happening to us or it is just us “not getting what we want when we want it” but there is a little more to it than that.
The following story is an example:
My husband and I were living in a house we bought in Staten Island when we first got married. At the time we bought it, we were both working full time in Manhattan, and while we were making just enough to afford it, there was no extra money.
After a couple of years we decided we wanted to have a baby, but realized that there was no way we could continue to pay for the house if I quit working to stay home to take care of the baby (which I really wanted to do) nor could we afford a full time sitter under the circumstances.
So we decided the only logical solution was to sell our house in New York and have a house built in Southern New Jersey about an hour and a half away. The houses there were much cheaper and we could afford to live there on one salary. We were leaving friends and family behind, but we couldn’t see any other choice.
This was when we ended up making one of the most ridiculous mistakes we could have ever made (or so we thought). Instead of taking the money from the sale of our Staten Island home and putting it into an escrow account to be used for the down payment on the new house we were having built, we made the mistake of giving the money directly to the builder. This builder then proceeded to skip town with it; leaving us with no house, no money to buy another one and no way to find him. By the time this all occurred I was already six months pregnant. Now to say I was despondent was putting it mildly!
We had no choice but to get ourselves an apartment in Staten Island and pray that we would hit some kind of lottery, because with only my husband working it would take years to save up enough money for another down payment. On top of that, the housing boom hit which put $200,000 homes into the half million dollar category! Talk about watching your dream get further and further away from you!
Now you see, I truly do believe that everything happens for a reason, but at the time, I truly couldn’t figure this one out. We were both good and honest people; we had worked hard and had saved every penny we could and now it was all gone in one fell swoop.
Even though I had already starting learning about the law of attraction, this was a really tough one for me to overcome. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t seem to get past the resentment I felt towards the whole situation. Which of coarse kept me in the situation even longer.
Eventually I started getting back into studying, meditating and looking forward instead of back. It was no easy climb, I assure you. But I started my own online business and put all my energy into focusing on bringing more money in as opposed to staying focused on what we had lost.
Now this is when things got interesting. During the time this was all happening, my mother met a really great guy she was getting serious with. He had his own house in Pennsylvania and she eventually found herself spending more time there then she was in her own house in Staten Island. She didn’t want to sell her house because she still wanted a place to be able to come back to when she visited us or my brother.
So she made us a deal. If my husband and I would take over all the expenses of the house (the mortgage was paid off years ago, so it was just taxes, insurance and the utilities), we could live there as long as we wanted. We only needed to leave the guest room open for her anytime she wanted to visit. Talk about a no-brainer!
The part that strikes me funny though (and what inspired this article, by the way) is that I just came across my old law of attraction journals and read what I had written years ago right before I had sold my own Staten Island home.
It is the list of intentions I wrote to Universe about what I was choosing to create for my future. This is what it said:
I choose to live in a beautiful house I can easily afford
I choose it to be in a great neighborhood
I choose to be surrounded by good friends and neighbors
I choose it to be located in a great school zone
There were some other minor things, but that was the gist of it. What amazes me looking at it now is realizing that I never stated that I had to own the house, or that I was going to have the perfect house built, or even stated that it was going to be a beautiful house in New Jersey; though I know at the time that I wrote the list that that was the direction we were headed because we were already in the process.
All I know is, I am glad that Universe took me at my word and I am very happy that in this case I wasn‘t more specific, because I couldn’t have foreseen how much better this situation would work out for me.
You see, in the time that it took for all these things to occur, the property taxes in the area of New Jersey that I was going to move to has since tripled! If I was living there now it would be costing me more than I was originally paying for my first Staten Island house that I couldn’t afford. It would have been a constant financial struggle, even if I had found another full time job out of the house.
Not to mention how easily the other things on my list fell into place. I am living in a great neighborhood, I am already surrounded by good friends and neighbors because I have known them most of my life growing up here and my son is in the same excellent school zone I was in!
The point is, quite often we don’t realize when we are right in the thick of what we perceive to be a negative situation, that there is something for our greater good beyond it.
We get so focused on cursing the darkness in the tunnel that we forget to look for the light at the end of it.
So here is the exercise for you. It comes in two parts with a bonus at the end if you really want to get into it..
Part One
Think back and write down all the times when what you thought was a negative situation turned into a positive one.
For instance:
When you had to cancel vacation plans due to work or lack of money and found out later they had a hurricane that week.
When you missed your flight due to bad weather and then found out the plane you were supposed to be on got stuck on the tarmac for 7 hours and you were at least in a comfortable airport with a bar and a bathroom!
When you didn’t get a job you thought you wanted and ended up being available for a better one.
When the person you wanted to call you never did, and you ended up meeting the “one” because you were single.
When you missed making the perfect investment, only to find out the company tanked and you would have lost a ton of money.
You get the idea. These things happen all the time. Writing them down helps reaffirm to you that Universe (or your higher self, if you prefer) does in fact have your best interests at heart. If you have a hard time coming up with anything, think about every good thing in your life right now and backtrack. Believe me, you will start to see many ways these things couldn’t have come to you if you had indeed gotten what you originally asked for.
Part Two
Start looking for the light at the end of your tunnel by asking What If? What If The Reason I Haven’t Gotten What I Want Yet Is Because….? Start stretching your mind with ideas of what your higher self might have in store for you that you just haven’t realized yet.
For example:
What if (I didn’t get this position) because a better one is waiting for me.
What if (the reason the deal on buying the house fell through) was because the roof is about to collapse this winter and it would have cost me a fortune I wouldn’t have.
What if (the reason he/she hasn’t called me for another date) was because they are total psychos and my higher self knows better than for me to get involved with them.
What if (the reason the car broke down today when I had somewhere really important to be) was because I would have been involved in a major accident if I had been on the highway today.
What if (the reason I can’t afford the ski trip right now) is because I would have broken my leg on the slopes.
What if (the reason I am stuck on the absolutely slowest line in the store) is because if I left earlier I would run into someone I really don’t want to see right now.
Really stretch your imagination. The fun part of this exercise is that it can help soothe you through disappointment. But the most important part happens later when you prove yourself to be right and you indeed confirm that your higher self has your best interests at heart. That’s when you begin to trust that everything is happening in exactly the right order.
Now for the Bonus Part if you really want to get into it.
Step Three
Try to find your true “hidden intention” as opposed to what you think that you want.
For instance, with my Jersey house. I originally thought my intention was to have this beautifully built house in New Jersey. But in truth my “hidden intention” was just to live in a beautiful house I could afford. This was obvious by how I wrote my intention on my list. After struggling financially in our first house, security was really all I was looking for and just hadn’t realized it. It wasn’t until after I received it that I noticed the blessing it really was.
Maybe in your case, your “hidden intention” was to find someone who really cared about you and was interested in the same things you are. You might have originally thought you were going to find this with a person of the opposite sex but instead you found it in the new best friend you made six months ago and you just haven‘t realized it yet.
So start enjoying and appreciating that friend that Universe sent you in answer to your request and watch how that higher vibration will automatically attract the opposite sex person you are also wanting. Heck! It might even be through that friend.
We are happily such complicated creatures. So much lies below the surface we aren‘t even aware of. But the daily discovery of these things is what makes life so fun and interesting.
Just the fact that you are reading these types of articles means you are already on your way to discovery.
So start looking for the positives that await you in your future. If something you are going through appears negative at the moment, it simply means you haven’t yet discovered the place your higher self is leading you to.
Don’t get discouraged, don’t give up and don’t curse the darkness. Start taking the first steps now to finding the light at the end of your tunnel.
Happy Creating!
This is a good exercise to use when you want to discover what is really going on behind the scenes of your negative experiences. There is something positive beyond them - you just need to discover what it is.
You see, your higher self sees beyond time and current circumstances. It knows your “true intentions“, even if you are unaware of them consciously, and it will do everything in its power to match you vibrationally to that thing you are “truly” wanting.
For instance, if your higher intention is safety and security and something comes up that will jeopardize that safety and security (even if you are unaware that it will jeopardize it at the time) it is not at all surprising that obstacles will suddenly appear to prevent you from making a mistake.
Quite often we can misinterpret this obstacles as negative things happening to us or it is just us “not getting what we want when we want it” but there is a little more to it than that.
The following story is an example:
My husband and I were living in a house we bought in Staten Island when we first got married. At the time we bought it, we were both working full time in Manhattan, and while we were making just enough to afford it, there was no extra money.
After a couple of years we decided we wanted to have a baby, but realized that there was no way we could continue to pay for the house if I quit working to stay home to take care of the baby (which I really wanted to do) nor could we afford a full time sitter under the circumstances.
So we decided the only logical solution was to sell our house in New York and have a house built in Southern New Jersey about an hour and a half away. The houses there were much cheaper and we could afford to live there on one salary. We were leaving friends and family behind, but we couldn’t see any other choice.
This was when we ended up making one of the most ridiculous mistakes we could have ever made (or so we thought). Instead of taking the money from the sale of our Staten Island home and putting it into an escrow account to be used for the down payment on the new house we were having built, we made the mistake of giving the money directly to the builder. This builder then proceeded to skip town with it; leaving us with no house, no money to buy another one and no way to find him. By the time this all occurred I was already six months pregnant. Now to say I was despondent was putting it mildly!
We had no choice but to get ourselves an apartment in Staten Island and pray that we would hit some kind of lottery, because with only my husband working it would take years to save up enough money for another down payment. On top of that, the housing boom hit which put $200,000 homes into the half million dollar category! Talk about watching your dream get further and further away from you!
Now you see, I truly do believe that everything happens for a reason, but at the time, I truly couldn’t figure this one out. We were both good and honest people; we had worked hard and had saved every penny we could and now it was all gone in one fell swoop.
Even though I had already starting learning about the law of attraction, this was a really tough one for me to overcome. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t seem to get past the resentment I felt towards the whole situation. Which of coarse kept me in the situation even longer.
Eventually I started getting back into studying, meditating and looking forward instead of back. It was no easy climb, I assure you. But I started my own online business and put all my energy into focusing on bringing more money in as opposed to staying focused on what we had lost.
Now this is when things got interesting. During the time this was all happening, my mother met a really great guy she was getting serious with. He had his own house in Pennsylvania and she eventually found herself spending more time there then she was in her own house in Staten Island. She didn’t want to sell her house because she still wanted a place to be able to come back to when she visited us or my brother.
So she made us a deal. If my husband and I would take over all the expenses of the house (the mortgage was paid off years ago, so it was just taxes, insurance and the utilities), we could live there as long as we wanted. We only needed to leave the guest room open for her anytime she wanted to visit. Talk about a no-brainer!
The part that strikes me funny though (and what inspired this article, by the way) is that I just came across my old law of attraction journals and read what I had written years ago right before I had sold my own Staten Island home.
It is the list of intentions I wrote to Universe about what I was choosing to create for my future. This is what it said:
I choose to live in a beautiful house I can easily afford
I choose it to be in a great neighborhood
I choose to be surrounded by good friends and neighbors
I choose it to be located in a great school zone
There were some other minor things, but that was the gist of it. What amazes me looking at it now is realizing that I never stated that I had to own the house, or that I was going to have the perfect house built, or even stated that it was going to be a beautiful house in New Jersey; though I know at the time that I wrote the list that that was the direction we were headed because we were already in the process.
All I know is, I am glad that Universe took me at my word and I am very happy that in this case I wasn‘t more specific, because I couldn’t have foreseen how much better this situation would work out for me.
You see, in the time that it took for all these things to occur, the property taxes in the area of New Jersey that I was going to move to has since tripled! If I was living there now it would be costing me more than I was originally paying for my first Staten Island house that I couldn’t afford. It would have been a constant financial struggle, even if I had found another full time job out of the house.
Not to mention how easily the other things on my list fell into place. I am living in a great neighborhood, I am already surrounded by good friends and neighbors because I have known them most of my life growing up here and my son is in the same excellent school zone I was in!
The point is, quite often we don’t realize when we are right in the thick of what we perceive to be a negative situation, that there is something for our greater good beyond it.
We get so focused on cursing the darkness in the tunnel that we forget to look for the light at the end of it.
So here is the exercise for you. It comes in two parts with a bonus at the end if you really want to get into it..
Part One
Think back and write down all the times when what you thought was a negative situation turned into a positive one.
For instance:
When you had to cancel vacation plans due to work or lack of money and found out later they had a hurricane that week.
When you missed your flight due to bad weather and then found out the plane you were supposed to be on got stuck on the tarmac for 7 hours and you were at least in a comfortable airport with a bar and a bathroom!
When you didn’t get a job you thought you wanted and ended up being available for a better one.
When the person you wanted to call you never did, and you ended up meeting the “one” because you were single.
When you missed making the perfect investment, only to find out the company tanked and you would have lost a ton of money.
You get the idea. These things happen all the time. Writing them down helps reaffirm to you that Universe (or your higher self, if you prefer) does in fact have your best interests at heart. If you have a hard time coming up with anything, think about every good thing in your life right now and backtrack. Believe me, you will start to see many ways these things couldn’t have come to you if you had indeed gotten what you originally asked for.
Part Two
Start looking for the light at the end of your tunnel by asking What If? What If The Reason I Haven’t Gotten What I Want Yet Is Because….? Start stretching your mind with ideas of what your higher self might have in store for you that you just haven’t realized yet.
For example:
What if (I didn’t get this position) because a better one is waiting for me.
What if (the reason the deal on buying the house fell through) was because the roof is about to collapse this winter and it would have cost me a fortune I wouldn’t have.
What if (the reason he/she hasn’t called me for another date) was because they are total psychos and my higher self knows better than for me to get involved with them.
What if (the reason the car broke down today when I had somewhere really important to be) was because I would have been involved in a major accident if I had been on the highway today.
What if (the reason I can’t afford the ski trip right now) is because I would have broken my leg on the slopes.
What if (the reason I am stuck on the absolutely slowest line in the store) is because if I left earlier I would run into someone I really don’t want to see right now.
Really stretch your imagination. The fun part of this exercise is that it can help soothe you through disappointment. But the most important part happens later when you prove yourself to be right and you indeed confirm that your higher self has your best interests at heart. That’s when you begin to trust that everything is happening in exactly the right order.
Now for the Bonus Part if you really want to get into it.
Step Three
Try to find your true “hidden intention” as opposed to what you think that you want.
For instance, with my Jersey house. I originally thought my intention was to have this beautifully built house in New Jersey. But in truth my “hidden intention” was just to live in a beautiful house I could afford. This was obvious by how I wrote my intention on my list. After struggling financially in our first house, security was really all I was looking for and just hadn’t realized it. It wasn’t until after I received it that I noticed the blessing it really was.
Maybe in your case, your “hidden intention” was to find someone who really cared about you and was interested in the same things you are. You might have originally thought you were going to find this with a person of the opposite sex but instead you found it in the new best friend you made six months ago and you just haven‘t realized it yet.
So start enjoying and appreciating that friend that Universe sent you in answer to your request and watch how that higher vibration will automatically attract the opposite sex person you are also wanting. Heck! It might even be through that friend.
We are happily such complicated creatures. So much lies below the surface we aren‘t even aware of. But the daily discovery of these things is what makes life so fun and interesting.
Just the fact that you are reading these types of articles means you are already on your way to discovery.
So start looking for the positives that await you in your future. If something you are going through appears negative at the moment, it simply means you haven’t yet discovered the place your higher self is leading you to.
Don’t get discouraged, don’t give up and don’t curse the darkness. Start taking the first steps now to finding the light at the end of your tunnel.
Happy Creating!
I Think I Can. I Think I Can. Can I?
by: Michele Wahlder
I think I can. I think I can. Can I?
Your mental train ticket to self-empowerment
We all find ourselves at certain points in our lives holding first class tickets to negative mental trains of thought. Michele Wahlder (MS, LPC, PCC), a two-time cancer survivor and Dallas, Texas-based Certified Life Coach and Psychotherapist, has placed thousands of people on the right track to self-empowerment via a plan she calls the 5 C Process. The journey challenges individuals to:
One
Clarify Current View – Where are you now- honestly?
Conscious awareness of your current view is the first step in becoming the best you can be. Getting clear about how your life aligns with your values, talents and unique gifts is vital to your happiness. You need to know where you are in order to learn where you want to go.
You can clarify your current view by completing a review of eight life areas. Be honest with yourself about how happy are you with your profession, finances, health and overall well-being, primary relationships, personal development, spirituality, environment, hobbies, etc.
Two
Connect with Your Highest Vision – Where do you want to be?
Example: A client of mine, a yoga instructor, decided she was happy teaching but wanted to contribute to the world on a larger level. She wasn’t happy with the quality of the yoga clothing that was accessible to her and her fellow yogis. Her vision was to design and create fun, hip and timeless yoga clothes using eco-conscious fabrics.
You have to get really clear about what you want. It is crucial that you connect to your highest vision of yourself because you can’t create it unless you are clear about what it looks like. If you don’t have a vision of where you want to go or what you want to be, you will most likely NOT get there. To quote Henrietta Klauser, “If you have a connection to what you want, take the next step and write it down.” If you don’t have any idea about what you want, or how you want to be in life to bring about greater happiness, begin looking through magazines and create a Vision Board/Collage of what attracts you. You may also want to consider getting an outside perspective from a friend or a professional coach. I take my clients through a guided imagery that gives them a glimpse of what their future could look like. There are also books that can help guide you. Just get help assessing your talents, divine gifts and abilities and then determine how you want to use them more fully in the world. We can’t help others as fully, if we are not aware of how we can best serve. So instead of thinking of it as selfish to engage in knowing yourself better, I would suggest you consider it selfish to hold back and not be the best you can be. Only in this way, can we help the world and others.
Three
Create Inspiring Goals – How will you get there?
Example: My client created a tiered plan of what needed to happen step by step – outer goal. All of this was influenced by her inner goal of keeping a measured pace and a balanced life. Her goal was to enjoy the process.
You have to create a plan and take specific actions to get you from where you are now to where you want to be. When most people write goals, they just write a list of action steps, usually external actions. I believe it is more powerful to have inner and outer goals. An outer goal is what you want. For instance, you might think, “I want a new house”. An inner goal is more focused on the how. How will a new home benefit me and my family? Will it offer more common gathering areas, a larger kitchen so that we can cook together, etc.? How can I appreciate what I have now until I get this home? How can I make this a joyful experience rather than a stressful one? If you can not be grateful for what you have now, then when you get a new home, it will only create very short-term happiness for you. Then, you will be focused on the next external illusion of happiness. For 2008, I suggest taking at least three of the life areas I mentioned earlier and jot down how you couldbenefit from living your highest vision in each area. Next, add action steps toward your desired achievements along with completion dates.
Four
Clear Obstacles – How will you remove obstacles in your way?
We all have dreams and visions for our life, but frankly, there are many things that can get in the way. The two most common obstacles I see with my clients are:
The inability to say NO— In order to bridge the gap from your current view to your highest vision, you have to make room for what “Could Be”. If your life is full and you want to add more of the things that are truly important in your life, you should start the change process by making room first. You must say no to some things in your life, so you can say yes to what is most important. You have to give up the destructive habits, behaviors and activities to make room for new ones.
A metaphor would be a water hose watering a flowering plant. The water in the hose is your life force and the flowering plant is what you are trying to grow in your life. If the water hose has leaks, it will not have enough water or life force/energy to reach its desired outcome or vision (to grow the plant into full bloom). Examples of leaks might include toxic friendships, unrealistic expectations, watching too much television, eating sugar, overspending, negative relational patterns with your spouse or working on an outdated job.
Example: A client’s obstacle here was that her 8- year-old daughter needed caring for and she was afraid she wouldn’t be able to be a good mother plus jumpstart a successful, new business. We remedied this issue by getting clear on the proper definition of a good mother. Also, practically speaking, she needed help picking up her daughter from school. So she got her husband to assist her in this area so she would have time to create this new business.
Negative self-talk—Research shows we have approximately 50,000 internal messages we say to ourselves daily. We are constantly walking around having conversations with ourselves. And it is what we say that makes all the difference in the overall quality of our lives.
Example: I was once in Starbucks, and I watched this woman spill her coffee while reaching for a sugar packet and I heard her say out loud, “I’m so stupid. I can’t believe I did that.”
Now, I just happen to hear her, but this is an example of something you might say internally as well. You might think, “No big deal. I say things like this to myself all the time.” Well, IT IS A BIG DEAL as our subconscious hears these messages and acts on them as if they were real. Don’t say anything to yourself that you wouldn’t want someone else saying to you.
Think of self-talk like mental fuel. Now, imagine filling your car with dirty water. We all know you wouldn’t get very far. Now, take that same car and fill it with high quality gasoline. You’ll most likely reach your destination. It is the same with people and the words we use. If the words are negative and toxic, we will sputter along with low energy and our performance suffers. If our words are positive and tender, we will feel confident, energized, encouraged and will most likely meet our goals faster and easier. Here are some key things to remember if you ever find yourself preparing to board the train of BAD self-talk:
B– stands for belittling self-talk. Stop telling yourself, “I am not good enough.” If your dream is to have a healthy self-confidence, which of the following examples is more likely to get your there:
A. “I’m so stupid. I can’t believe I did that.”
B. “Whoops, mistakes happen.”
Can you see how the Answer B is much kinder?
A – stands for awfulizing. Stop predicting a future filled with gloom and doom, and dwelling on scary thoughts. If you dream of obtaining a career you love, which of the following will move you closer to your vision:
A. “I did terribly on my interview, I’ll never find a job I like.”
B. “I will answer that question on past employment differently next time and I will ace it! I know I will one day have the job I love.”
Can you see how Answer B places you in the mindset of a successful job search?
D – stands for deceiving. This is when you deceive yourself into thinking you are a victim, and that other people are to blame for your circumstances. If we want a happy relationship which will of the below responses will aid in achieving this goal:
A. “If my spouse would only do more around the house, then I would be happy.”
B. “I can and will choose happiness today, no matter what my spouse does.”
Answer B is the right choice, wouldn’t you agree?
S – stands for shoulding – This is when you give yourself a lot of shoulds, musts, and ought tos, then beat yourself up for not living up to unrealistic standards. Say your dream is to be in top physical condition, which will further that:
A. “I should have eaten a salad for lunch instead of that big ol’ hamburger. I’m such a pig!”
B. “I could have eaten a salad, but I chose not to. Tomorrow I will make healthier choices.”
The second choice is so much more inspiring, don’t you think?
Five
Commit to Action – Are you willing to do what it takes?
The final step of the 5 C Process is to commit to action. How many times have we all made plans and never carried them out, or started off excited and lost motivation? No one ever does anything great alone. We all need encouragement and support from others including an accountability partner who is willing to help hold the vision of the person you want to be. In the previous example of my client, her biggest negative self-talk was how to be a good mom and a good business woman. Her thoughts were, “If I don’t pick up my child every day from school, I am a bad mother.” Instead, we replaced it with, “Picking up my child from school daily is not what makes me a good mother. I am, indeed, a fabulous mother.”
Here are the four action steps that have been proven to help you eliminate your negative self talk:
• Become aware of your negative messages –listen to voice in head
• Stop! You have to stop immediately if you find yourself dwelling on any negative thoughts
• Replace negative thoughts with a kinder alternatives
• Practice. It takes a commitment of time in order to turn a pattern of negative thinking into a more positive train of thought.
This interview was referenced by http://www.chinika.com. To learn more about Michele’s 5 C Process and her upcoming seminars, please call 214 -823-LIFE ( 5433), or visit her Web site at http://www.michelewahlder.com Once there, you will also be able to download a free workbook containing strategies on how to obtain a positive outlook on life.
I think I can. I think I can. Can I?
Your mental train ticket to self-empowerment
We all find ourselves at certain points in our lives holding first class tickets to negative mental trains of thought. Michele Wahlder (MS, LPC, PCC), a two-time cancer survivor and Dallas, Texas-based Certified Life Coach and Psychotherapist, has placed thousands of people on the right track to self-empowerment via a plan she calls the 5 C Process. The journey challenges individuals to:
One
Clarify Current View – Where are you now- honestly?
Conscious awareness of your current view is the first step in becoming the best you can be. Getting clear about how your life aligns with your values, talents and unique gifts is vital to your happiness. You need to know where you are in order to learn where you want to go.
You can clarify your current view by completing a review of eight life areas. Be honest with yourself about how happy are you with your profession, finances, health and overall well-being, primary relationships, personal development, spirituality, environment, hobbies, etc.
Two
Connect with Your Highest Vision – Where do you want to be?
Example: A client of mine, a yoga instructor, decided she was happy teaching but wanted to contribute to the world on a larger level. She wasn’t happy with the quality of the yoga clothing that was accessible to her and her fellow yogis. Her vision was to design and create fun, hip and timeless yoga clothes using eco-conscious fabrics.
You have to get really clear about what you want. It is crucial that you connect to your highest vision of yourself because you can’t create it unless you are clear about what it looks like. If you don’t have a vision of where you want to go or what you want to be, you will most likely NOT get there. To quote Henrietta Klauser, “If you have a connection to what you want, take the next step and write it down.” If you don’t have any idea about what you want, or how you want to be in life to bring about greater happiness, begin looking through magazines and create a Vision Board/Collage of what attracts you. You may also want to consider getting an outside perspective from a friend or a professional coach. I take my clients through a guided imagery that gives them a glimpse of what their future could look like. There are also books that can help guide you. Just get help assessing your talents, divine gifts and abilities and then determine how you want to use them more fully in the world. We can’t help others as fully, if we are not aware of how we can best serve. So instead of thinking of it as selfish to engage in knowing yourself better, I would suggest you consider it selfish to hold back and not be the best you can be. Only in this way, can we help the world and others.
Three
Create Inspiring Goals – How will you get there?
Example: My client created a tiered plan of what needed to happen step by step – outer goal. All of this was influenced by her inner goal of keeping a measured pace and a balanced life. Her goal was to enjoy the process.
You have to create a plan and take specific actions to get you from where you are now to where you want to be. When most people write goals, they just write a list of action steps, usually external actions. I believe it is more powerful to have inner and outer goals. An outer goal is what you want. For instance, you might think, “I want a new house”. An inner goal is more focused on the how. How will a new home benefit me and my family? Will it offer more common gathering areas, a larger kitchen so that we can cook together, etc.? How can I appreciate what I have now until I get this home? How can I make this a joyful experience rather than a stressful one? If you can not be grateful for what you have now, then when you get a new home, it will only create very short-term happiness for you. Then, you will be focused on the next external illusion of happiness. For 2008, I suggest taking at least three of the life areas I mentioned earlier and jot down how you couldbenefit from living your highest vision in each area. Next, add action steps toward your desired achievements along with completion dates.
Four
Clear Obstacles – How will you remove obstacles in your way?
We all have dreams and visions for our life, but frankly, there are many things that can get in the way. The two most common obstacles I see with my clients are:
The inability to say NO— In order to bridge the gap from your current view to your highest vision, you have to make room for what “Could Be”. If your life is full and you want to add more of the things that are truly important in your life, you should start the change process by making room first. You must say no to some things in your life, so you can say yes to what is most important. You have to give up the destructive habits, behaviors and activities to make room for new ones.
A metaphor would be a water hose watering a flowering plant. The water in the hose is your life force and the flowering plant is what you are trying to grow in your life. If the water hose has leaks, it will not have enough water or life force/energy to reach its desired outcome or vision (to grow the plant into full bloom). Examples of leaks might include toxic friendships, unrealistic expectations, watching too much television, eating sugar, overspending, negative relational patterns with your spouse or working on an outdated job.
Example: A client’s obstacle here was that her 8- year-old daughter needed caring for and she was afraid she wouldn’t be able to be a good mother plus jumpstart a successful, new business. We remedied this issue by getting clear on the proper definition of a good mother. Also, practically speaking, she needed help picking up her daughter from school. So she got her husband to assist her in this area so she would have time to create this new business.
Negative self-talk—Research shows we have approximately 50,000 internal messages we say to ourselves daily. We are constantly walking around having conversations with ourselves. And it is what we say that makes all the difference in the overall quality of our lives.
Example: I was once in Starbucks, and I watched this woman spill her coffee while reaching for a sugar packet and I heard her say out loud, “I’m so stupid. I can’t believe I did that.”
Now, I just happen to hear her, but this is an example of something you might say internally as well. You might think, “No big deal. I say things like this to myself all the time.” Well, IT IS A BIG DEAL as our subconscious hears these messages and acts on them as if they were real. Don’t say anything to yourself that you wouldn’t want someone else saying to you.
Think of self-talk like mental fuel. Now, imagine filling your car with dirty water. We all know you wouldn’t get very far. Now, take that same car and fill it with high quality gasoline. You’ll most likely reach your destination. It is the same with people and the words we use. If the words are negative and toxic, we will sputter along with low energy and our performance suffers. If our words are positive and tender, we will feel confident, energized, encouraged and will most likely meet our goals faster and easier. Here are some key things to remember if you ever find yourself preparing to board the train of BAD self-talk:
B– stands for belittling self-talk. Stop telling yourself, “I am not good enough.” If your dream is to have a healthy self-confidence, which of the following examples is more likely to get your there:
A. “I’m so stupid. I can’t believe I did that.”
B. “Whoops, mistakes happen.”
Can you see how the Answer B is much kinder?
A – stands for awfulizing. Stop predicting a future filled with gloom and doom, and dwelling on scary thoughts. If you dream of obtaining a career you love, which of the following will move you closer to your vision:
A. “I did terribly on my interview, I’ll never find a job I like.”
B. “I will answer that question on past employment differently next time and I will ace it! I know I will one day have the job I love.”
Can you see how Answer B places you in the mindset of a successful job search?
D – stands for deceiving. This is when you deceive yourself into thinking you are a victim, and that other people are to blame for your circumstances. If we want a happy relationship which will of the below responses will aid in achieving this goal:
A. “If my spouse would only do more around the house, then I would be happy.”
B. “I can and will choose happiness today, no matter what my spouse does.”
Answer B is the right choice, wouldn’t you agree?
S – stands for shoulding – This is when you give yourself a lot of shoulds, musts, and ought tos, then beat yourself up for not living up to unrealistic standards. Say your dream is to be in top physical condition, which will further that:
A. “I should have eaten a salad for lunch instead of that big ol’ hamburger. I’m such a pig!”
B. “I could have eaten a salad, but I chose not to. Tomorrow I will make healthier choices.”
The second choice is so much more inspiring, don’t you think?
Five
Commit to Action – Are you willing to do what it takes?
The final step of the 5 C Process is to commit to action. How many times have we all made plans and never carried them out, or started off excited and lost motivation? No one ever does anything great alone. We all need encouragement and support from others including an accountability partner who is willing to help hold the vision of the person you want to be. In the previous example of my client, her biggest negative self-talk was how to be a good mom and a good business woman. Her thoughts were, “If I don’t pick up my child every day from school, I am a bad mother.” Instead, we replaced it with, “Picking up my child from school daily is not what makes me a good mother. I am, indeed, a fabulous mother.”
Here are the four action steps that have been proven to help you eliminate your negative self talk:
• Become aware of your negative messages –listen to voice in head
• Stop! You have to stop immediately if you find yourself dwelling on any negative thoughts
• Replace negative thoughts with a kinder alternatives
• Practice. It takes a commitment of time in order to turn a pattern of negative thinking into a more positive train of thought.
This interview was referenced by http://www.chinika.com. To learn more about Michele’s 5 C Process and her upcoming seminars, please call 214 -823-LIFE ( 5433), or visit her Web site at http://www.michelewahlder.com Once there, you will also be able to download a free workbook containing strategies on how to obtain a positive outlook on life.
William Stephenson, On Doing More In Life
by: William Stephenson
My name is William Stephenson; I grew up in Manasquan and have spent most of my life in New Jersey. I’d like to speak with you about achieving your best, about making the most of your assets and realizing your biggest dreams.
I was raised with the adage that my accomplishments were only limited to the heights I could imagine. This was a commonly used and inspirational line that many parents shared with their children. At the time, those words didn’t mean so much to me. Upon further reflection however, the spirit of those words was ever present in my blind sub-conscience.
When I was only 9 years of age, I had 2 paper routes on opposite ends of town. It was a morning paper, The Start Ledger; therefore both routes had to be completed by 7am. I pedaled fast to get back from the Manasquan Beach and change in time for school. The early riches that I enjoyed afforded many crucial lessons which would subsequently fuel my future achievements.
By learning the power of hard work and money at such an early age, an age where we’re all highly impressionable, it forever solidified the correlation between the two. I am incredibly grateful to my parents for supporting me in those early desires. The significance of this work should not be underscored; to me, it helped form one of my core values in life, responsibility.
By learning to do for myself and not waiting for someone else to take responsibility, I not only acquired things more speedily, but I had the good feeling of having earned them myself.
This early money was invested wisely, not an IRA, not a 401K, I used those funds for flight lessons at Allaire Airport. At age 13, I was speaking with an Uncle of mine. He was a war hero to me, who fought in Korea. He stated that he always regretted not learning how to fly. For some reason, his regret cautioned me enough not to follow his path. I clipped a 50% off coupon from an Entertainment Guide for an introductory flight lesson. Well, soaring above my home town and central New Jersey served two purposes. First, it sold me instantly on the joys of flight. Second, and more importantly, it extended my reach out into the world; it effectively reduced the size of it and led me to believe that it would be easier to conquer now. Again, I have to thank my parents for allowing me to circle their home at 1000 feet. They clearly hadn’t read all of the accident reports on that scenario.
About one year after that first flight lesson, I accomplished one of my most rewarding feats. I had officially been involved with Boy Scout Troop 59 of Manasquan for only 4 years when I had reached a pinnacle by attaining the rank of Eagle Scout. To this day, less than 2% of all scouts make it that far. To this day as well, I still don’t know why that percentage has remained so low. Even at age 14, my drive was surpassing my moments. Each Eagle Scout applicant must appear before a board of review to validate his award and confirm that he in fact extols the virtues befitting the milestone. At this board of review the applicant sits among and across from several elders in his troop as well as a representative from the council level, the governing body for many troops.
I perplexed them all that evening, not on purpose of course. All I had to do was answer a few questions and I would be an Eagle Scout. Later, I was told that the elders of my troop were kicking themselves underneath the table. They would have preferred that I had said less rather than more that evening.
I was questioned about my awareness of the high honor they would soon bestow upon me. My answers and my feelings in general about the rank of Eagle Scout at the time were slightly dismissive. Quite frankly, I saw the rank of Eagle as just another step along the scouting trail. In fact, as they pressed me about why I didn’t seem as excited about it as perhaps the elders were, I told them that every scout should follow the logical path that I had taken and achieve the rank as well. My unrefined point that evening was that I felt the very act of holding that rank up on a special pedestal was one of the impediments to most scouts attaining it. I believe that more scouts would enjoy the accolade if it were not placed so high above them. Of course, this could possibly dilute the experience at the same time.
After much back and forth, I acquiesced and agreed that it was indeed a tremendous accomplishment. I was now one of the younger Eagle Scouts in our troop’s storied history. My years in scouting provided far too many memories and tales to share with you this evening, however, the leadership skills that I cultivated during those early years would prove pivotal. They have played a key part in every major accomplishment and milestone after that. I believe the Boy Scouts to be a fine organization for our youth when accompanied by active parenting. Its affects are incalculable.
Psychologists say that the majority of our basic learning is acquired by the age of 16; if this in indeed true, the importance of our early decisions is paramount. The more healthy habits and useful ventures we take part in during this phase of life, the better.
Soon, I was off to college at the University of South Carolina. I worked almost continuously through those years and took my virtues to the job place. I found myself in a setting where the status quo ruled. It’s certainly easier in the short term to follow the lead; however, leading the pack at the workplace provides far greater returns in the long run. Standing out and shaking up the system takes courage or simply a set of convictions that disregards the consequences. This is why leading in life is critical. When you place yourself in the driver’s seat you are less beholden to peer-pressures which may lead people astray.
Throughout these years my love for flying never ceased. I worked to learn and that correlation always seemed to get me through the tougher days. After graduating with a Bachelors degree in an area unrelated to flying, I returned home and finished the flight ratings required in order to call myself a professional pilot. I was now getting paid to give sightseeing tours up the Hudson River and around the Statue of Liberty. It was a tremendous feeling being right back where I started 10 years earlier yet so much further ahead. I was now getting paid for every one of those coveted flight hours necessary for advancement, how ironic, I felt?
Another crucial lesson learned during this phase of my life was how two steps back could lead oneself miles ahead. I left that wonderful job at Allaire Airport and gambled on a new venture at Teterboro Airport in North Jersey. I made less money and added one hour to my commute each way. Many thought I was crazy, but I was looking beyond tomorrow.
For the next 6½ years, I participated in a niche market in the business aviation world. I flew organ transplant teams around our country in Lear jets, King Airs, and Barons. It was hard work; we were often called into action at the last minute and it was typically midnight. Years later I would be rewarded for those efforts in a far greater way than just my pay. More on that treat soon.
The challenges that forced my cohorts and I in this last position codified that work ethic learned as a paper boy years earlier. One of the lessons there taught me that we are continually growing and every action or inaction we participate in affects our future. We mustn’t look at each day as just any day. Every morning we wake up is another opportunity to better ourselves. Rarely will anyone of us remain stagnant; we’re either moving a head or behind in life. We make these choices everyday and all day.
After just nine years in the aviation industry I had yet again reached a pinnacle. I have taken a job on a Challenger jet flying a Fortune 200 company and its proprietors around the globe. Those early paper route dollars that I invested in flight training have come full circle. Delivering The Star Ledger has broadened my horizons in the literal sense. My world had in fact shrunk that afternoon at age 13, when I took my first flight and my first flight lesson.
To help drive this point home, as to how each action we take today lends to our successes or failures tomorrow, let me tell you about my high school prom date. Edie was one of the more unique individuals attending Manasquan High School during my years there. I quickly noted something special about her. At the time of our senior prom, she had a boyfriend from another school. Because of those circumstances, I was certainly not looking short term when I asked her to be my date for that event. I was looking far into my future and recently that has paid off for me as well. On May 5th of this year Edie and I were married in Manahawkin, NJ; my high school sweetheart is now so much more and forever.
Now, as promised, the reward worth so much more than a paycheck. About a year ago I found myself at a wake for my friend’s grandmother. At this wake I was introduced to the parents of a 6 year old boy. I was expecting to meet these folks because I knew their son had been given a personal tour of Giant’s Stadium a couple of years prior, compliments of the Make-a-Wish Foundation. We had some mutual friends in that football organization. As I spoke with the boy’s parents, I was less interested in the NY Giants and more interested in what their child had endured to warrant the attention of the foundation. The Father told me that his son Stephen had received a heart transplant in early 2001. As they were asking me about the NY Giants, I persisted with the questions about his son’s heart. Well, as it turned out, at about midnight in early 2001, my copilot and I flew to Bradley International Airport in Connecticut and retrieved Stephen’s heart. Confirming the details of the missionafter the wake made me very emotional. This was the closest I had ever been to realizing the fruits of my labor. About two weeks later, we all gathered at little Stephen’s house and enjoyed the Super Bowl together. Stephen told me after a couple hours, “Thank you for my heart.”
Now, in conclusion, I’m no different than anyone else in this room. The only privilege I had growing up was my parents blessing on the myriad of desires I came home with each week. They thankfully had the courage themselves to let me take things to their conclusion. Well, I’m still reaching. When I fly along at 41,000 feet and I gaze out into the stars at night, they just don’t seem so far away. Each and every one of those stars seems to be inviting me towards it. I know there is something behind each one and the more stars that I can look behind, the more confident I grow. Harness each and every day you live and before you know it, you’ll be leading life, not simply living it.
Thank you all very much for allowing me to share some of the things I have learned about life in my first 34 years.
My name is William Stephenson; I grew up in Manasquan and have spent most of my life in New Jersey. I’d like to speak with you about achieving your best, about making the most of your assets and realizing your biggest dreams.
I was raised with the adage that my accomplishments were only limited to the heights I could imagine. This was a commonly used and inspirational line that many parents shared with their children. At the time, those words didn’t mean so much to me. Upon further reflection however, the spirit of those words was ever present in my blind sub-conscience.
When I was only 9 years of age, I had 2 paper routes on opposite ends of town. It was a morning paper, The Start Ledger; therefore both routes had to be completed by 7am. I pedaled fast to get back from the Manasquan Beach and change in time for school. The early riches that I enjoyed afforded many crucial lessons which would subsequently fuel my future achievements.
By learning the power of hard work and money at such an early age, an age where we’re all highly impressionable, it forever solidified the correlation between the two. I am incredibly grateful to my parents for supporting me in those early desires. The significance of this work should not be underscored; to me, it helped form one of my core values in life, responsibility.
By learning to do for myself and not waiting for someone else to take responsibility, I not only acquired things more speedily, but I had the good feeling of having earned them myself.
This early money was invested wisely, not an IRA, not a 401K, I used those funds for flight lessons at Allaire Airport. At age 13, I was speaking with an Uncle of mine. He was a war hero to me, who fought in Korea. He stated that he always regretted not learning how to fly. For some reason, his regret cautioned me enough not to follow his path. I clipped a 50% off coupon from an Entertainment Guide for an introductory flight lesson. Well, soaring above my home town and central New Jersey served two purposes. First, it sold me instantly on the joys of flight. Second, and more importantly, it extended my reach out into the world; it effectively reduced the size of it and led me to believe that it would be easier to conquer now. Again, I have to thank my parents for allowing me to circle their home at 1000 feet. They clearly hadn’t read all of the accident reports on that scenario.
About one year after that first flight lesson, I accomplished one of my most rewarding feats. I had officially been involved with Boy Scout Troop 59 of Manasquan for only 4 years when I had reached a pinnacle by attaining the rank of Eagle Scout. To this day, less than 2% of all scouts make it that far. To this day as well, I still don’t know why that percentage has remained so low. Even at age 14, my drive was surpassing my moments. Each Eagle Scout applicant must appear before a board of review to validate his award and confirm that he in fact extols the virtues befitting the milestone. At this board of review the applicant sits among and across from several elders in his troop as well as a representative from the council level, the governing body for many troops.
I perplexed them all that evening, not on purpose of course. All I had to do was answer a few questions and I would be an Eagle Scout. Later, I was told that the elders of my troop were kicking themselves underneath the table. They would have preferred that I had said less rather than more that evening.
I was questioned about my awareness of the high honor they would soon bestow upon me. My answers and my feelings in general about the rank of Eagle Scout at the time were slightly dismissive. Quite frankly, I saw the rank of Eagle as just another step along the scouting trail. In fact, as they pressed me about why I didn’t seem as excited about it as perhaps the elders were, I told them that every scout should follow the logical path that I had taken and achieve the rank as well. My unrefined point that evening was that I felt the very act of holding that rank up on a special pedestal was one of the impediments to most scouts attaining it. I believe that more scouts would enjoy the accolade if it were not placed so high above them. Of course, this could possibly dilute the experience at the same time.
After much back and forth, I acquiesced and agreed that it was indeed a tremendous accomplishment. I was now one of the younger Eagle Scouts in our troop’s storied history. My years in scouting provided far too many memories and tales to share with you this evening, however, the leadership skills that I cultivated during those early years would prove pivotal. They have played a key part in every major accomplishment and milestone after that. I believe the Boy Scouts to be a fine organization for our youth when accompanied by active parenting. Its affects are incalculable.
Psychologists say that the majority of our basic learning is acquired by the age of 16; if this in indeed true, the importance of our early decisions is paramount. The more healthy habits and useful ventures we take part in during this phase of life, the better.
Soon, I was off to college at the University of South Carolina. I worked almost continuously through those years and took my virtues to the job place. I found myself in a setting where the status quo ruled. It’s certainly easier in the short term to follow the lead; however, leading the pack at the workplace provides far greater returns in the long run. Standing out and shaking up the system takes courage or simply a set of convictions that disregards the consequences. This is why leading in life is critical. When you place yourself in the driver’s seat you are less beholden to peer-pressures which may lead people astray.
Throughout these years my love for flying never ceased. I worked to learn and that correlation always seemed to get me through the tougher days. After graduating with a Bachelors degree in an area unrelated to flying, I returned home and finished the flight ratings required in order to call myself a professional pilot. I was now getting paid to give sightseeing tours up the Hudson River and around the Statue of Liberty. It was a tremendous feeling being right back where I started 10 years earlier yet so much further ahead. I was now getting paid for every one of those coveted flight hours necessary for advancement, how ironic, I felt?
Another crucial lesson learned during this phase of my life was how two steps back could lead oneself miles ahead. I left that wonderful job at Allaire Airport and gambled on a new venture at Teterboro Airport in North Jersey. I made less money and added one hour to my commute each way. Many thought I was crazy, but I was looking beyond tomorrow.
For the next 6½ years, I participated in a niche market in the business aviation world. I flew organ transplant teams around our country in Lear jets, King Airs, and Barons. It was hard work; we were often called into action at the last minute and it was typically midnight. Years later I would be rewarded for those efforts in a far greater way than just my pay. More on that treat soon.
The challenges that forced my cohorts and I in this last position codified that work ethic learned as a paper boy years earlier. One of the lessons there taught me that we are continually growing and every action or inaction we participate in affects our future. We mustn’t look at each day as just any day. Every morning we wake up is another opportunity to better ourselves. Rarely will anyone of us remain stagnant; we’re either moving a head or behind in life. We make these choices everyday and all day.
After just nine years in the aviation industry I had yet again reached a pinnacle. I have taken a job on a Challenger jet flying a Fortune 200 company and its proprietors around the globe. Those early paper route dollars that I invested in flight training have come full circle. Delivering The Star Ledger has broadened my horizons in the literal sense. My world had in fact shrunk that afternoon at age 13, when I took my first flight and my first flight lesson.
To help drive this point home, as to how each action we take today lends to our successes or failures tomorrow, let me tell you about my high school prom date. Edie was one of the more unique individuals attending Manasquan High School during my years there. I quickly noted something special about her. At the time of our senior prom, she had a boyfriend from another school. Because of those circumstances, I was certainly not looking short term when I asked her to be my date for that event. I was looking far into my future and recently that has paid off for me as well. On May 5th of this year Edie and I were married in Manahawkin, NJ; my high school sweetheart is now so much more and forever.
Now, as promised, the reward worth so much more than a paycheck. About a year ago I found myself at a wake for my friend’s grandmother. At this wake I was introduced to the parents of a 6 year old boy. I was expecting to meet these folks because I knew their son had been given a personal tour of Giant’s Stadium a couple of years prior, compliments of the Make-a-Wish Foundation. We had some mutual friends in that football organization. As I spoke with the boy’s parents, I was less interested in the NY Giants and more interested in what their child had endured to warrant the attention of the foundation. The Father told me that his son Stephen had received a heart transplant in early 2001. As they were asking me about the NY Giants, I persisted with the questions about his son’s heart. Well, as it turned out, at about midnight in early 2001, my copilot and I flew to Bradley International Airport in Connecticut and retrieved Stephen’s heart. Confirming the details of the missionafter the wake made me very emotional. This was the closest I had ever been to realizing the fruits of my labor. About two weeks later, we all gathered at little Stephen’s house and enjoyed the Super Bowl together. Stephen told me after a couple hours, “Thank you for my heart.”
Now, in conclusion, I’m no different than anyone else in this room. The only privilege I had growing up was my parents blessing on the myriad of desires I came home with each week. They thankfully had the courage themselves to let me take things to their conclusion. Well, I’m still reaching. When I fly along at 41,000 feet and I gaze out into the stars at night, they just don’t seem so far away. Each and every one of those stars seems to be inviting me towards it. I know there is something behind each one and the more stars that I can look behind, the more confident I grow. Harness each and every day you live and before you know it, you’ll be leading life, not simply living it.
Thank you all very much for allowing me to share some of the things I have learned about life in my first 34 years.
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